Eight Aspects to Master the 'Scum Identification Methodology

There are countless scummy men and women, but they all have similar thinking habits and behavior patterns. As long as we understand them, we can easily identify them from the crowd. Generally speaking, we can look at the following aspects:

Character Traits

Research has found that scummy men and women have a lower sense of responsibility (Buss & Schmitt, 1993; Jonathan & Buss, 2012), which means they are more likely to act impulsively and irresponsibly, and when things go wrong, they start to evade responsibility, shirk their duties, or shift the blame.

It is suggested that you observe and be alert to the following behaviors:

• Irresponsibility towards oneself and others.
• Long-term indulgence in addictive behaviors harmful to physical and mental health (such as alcoholism, gambling, etc.), indulging oneself in unhealthy lifestyles;
• Causing trouble and harm to others without feeling guilty or uneasy, and not compensating for it.

Inconsistency in words and deeds.

• They always fail to do what they promise you;
• Their words and actions are often inconsistent.

Uncontrolled lying and making excuses.

• Their explanations always differ from the facts, and they rarely tell you the whole truth;
• When they are caught lying, they will not admit it, but will desperately defend themselves or evade your questions.

When facing major life events, they usually show a lack of responsibility.

• They will shirk or evade the decisions they need to make;
• They are afraid to face the consequences of their mistakes.

Emotional Experience

Scummy men and women often lack reflection and sincerity about their past emotional experiences. If a person's emotional experience includes the following situations, the possibility of them being scummy greatly increases.

• All their exes are irredeemable lunatics/clingy/jealous maniacs, etc. In short, they can't describe their exes neutrally. It's very likely that they are just trying to clear themselves and cover up their own faults.
• They tend to keep in touch with their exes. It's worth noting that "keeping in touch" here does not mean being friends with an ex, but rather having some unresolved feelings.
• They have had many ambiguous relationships and enjoy this emotional state.

Communication

Scummy men and women usually don't want to communicate well with their partners. Instead, they turn the relationship into a 'power struggle', the purpose of which is usually to force the other party to compromise and sacrifice, in order to satisfy their selfish goals and narcissistic needs.

People who exhibit the following behaviors are more likely to care more about winning than about you:

• They don't give you enough attention, they treat you with cold violence;
• They don't answer your questions about the relationship directly, they are vague;
• They always blame you when facing disputes;
• They constantly belittle and suppress you;
• They threaten you with breakups.

Daily Life

Even if scummy men and women enter a relationship, they find it hard to make compromises and sacrifices for their partners in the relationship, and they may not even include you in their original circle. You can see if they show these behaviors in their daily life:

• They are unwilling to provide substantial or spiritual assistance when you encounter difficulties;
• They are unwilling to sacrifice a part of their own resources, time, and space to meet your needs;
• You never feel that they are making an effort to maintain your relationship;
• They never introduce you to their friends, even ifyou actively propose it, you will be rejected for various reasons;
• They don't consider your opinions and ideas in their future plans, and they don't include you.

Moral Bottom Line

Scummy men and women also exhibit more of the dark triad personality traits, namely narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism (Li, et al., 2022).

They are either pretentious, exaggerated, and vain, good at creating a 'perfect persona' for themselves; or they are cunning, putting their interests first, and willing to sacrifice others' well-being to gain reputation, power, and achievement; or they are selfish, seeking excitement, and are downright dangerous people.

Specifically, they will:

• Exaggerate and over-display themselves.

1. Their social media displays are far beyond their economic capabilities and social circles;
2. In conversations, they are always showing off their achievements, connections, etc.;
3. They intentionally hide their shortcomings and deficiencies, no matter how long you've been with them, you always feel they are not real and distant.

• Use others as tools to achieve their own goals.

1. They only make friends with those who are beneficial to them, and their attitude towards friends depends on the value of the other party;
2. They believe that using others as tools is a good social adaptation;
3. They are willing to sacrifice others for their own benefit.

• Fail to respect others and think from their perspective.

1. They like to force others to do things they don't want to do, breaking others' boundaries and bottom lines;
2. They cannot accept and tolerate ideas different from their own;
3. They cannot empathize with the difficulties and troubles of others.

They are very self-centered, always demanding others to cater to their needs; or they have double standards, being strict with others and lenient with themselves.

Interpersonal Relationships

The character traits of scummy men and women also lead to poor interpersonal interactions (Li, et al., 2022), such as:

• Their circle of friends is very unstable, either they have no friends at all, or they don't have friends they've been with for a long time, their circle is always changing, and their friends are not very reliable and trustworthy.
• The evaluations of them by people around them are not very positive, or they are mixed. For example, some friends praise them a lot, but some friends avoid them as much as possible, showing a face of disgust and disgust when talking about them.

Attitude Towards the Opposite Sex

Scummy men and women usually have an objectifying attitude towards their partners (Li, et al., 2022), tending to see their partners as items with certain functions, while ignoring their personality and dignity.

Scummy men tend to overemphasize women's appearance, body, and sexual experience, emphasizing the emotional value women provide for men, the role value of women as "good wives and mothers", and the reproductive value of women. Scummy women focus on "male color" consumption, emphasizing the value of men providing material benefits or services for women.

For example:

• Their attitude towards the opposite sex (including those other than you) is full of derogation, for example, women dress up to seduce men, men must pay for meals, etc.;
• They cater to mainstream views with sexual implications, such as requiring women to be "white, young, thin, frail and easy to push down", requiring men to be "good at sex, actively giving money";
• They measure partners only by value, overemphasizing the other party's family background, income, property situation, etc. in conversations;
• They use their partners as a show-off capital, showing off their partner's appearance, socialstatus, and other aspects to others.

Scummy men and women usually have a more utilitarian attitude towards love (Li, et al., 2022), seeing love as a transaction, a game, or a power struggle, rather than a process of mutual growth and mutual support.

For example:

• They often use "love" as a bargaining chip to get what they want from you;
• They are more likely to cheat, and they think that "everyone cheats";
• They don't believe in true love, they think that love is a game, and they are always looking for better options;
• They are more likely to use manipulative tactics in relationships, such as gaslighting, silent treatment, etc.

In conclusion, if you find that your partner has many of the above behaviors, it is recommended that you be alert and consider whether to continue the relationship. Remember, everyone deserves a healthy and respectful relationship."

What to Do After Identifying a Scumbag?

By now, you probably have a good idea of whether the person in question is a scumbag. You might be wondering, "What should I do after identifying that the person is a scumbag?"

Some people might advise you to block, disconnect, and delete them from your contacts, but you might feel a bit lost and unsure if you need to take such drastic measures. After all, they have provided you with a lot of substantial or emotional value, and you don't seem to want to end the relationship with them immediately.

In response to this, our advice is that the approach depends on your own needs. You might want to do an assessment to see if you want a long-term relationship or short-term excitement.

You can ask yourself:

• Do you currently desire to enter a long-term, committed relationship?
• Do you have the ability and willingness to maintain an intimate relationship?
• Is your need for stability much higher than your need for excitement?

Or

• Do you currently want more romantic, exciting emotional experiences?
• Are you not fully prepared for a long-term relationship at the moment?
• Do you currently want to experience different emotions with different people?

If the latter is more common, perhaps what you want is short-term excitement, and we suggest you set a stop-loss line. The stop-loss line means that at a certain point, when the harm the other person brings to you far exceeds the value they bring to you, you will decisively part ways with them.

For example, the other person may be promiscuous, but at the same time, they can provide you with a lot of emotional value. In that case, you can set your stop-loss line at the point where their unfaithful behavior exceeds your acceptable range, or even makes you physically and mentally exhausted.

When setting a stop-loss line, you can first ask yourself what you absolutely cannot accept, and if necessary, ask your friends. At the same time, the premise of setting a stop-loss line is to understand your own self-control ability and know when you can withdraw from the relationship.

If the former is more common, perhaps what you want is a long-term relationship, then lovers who meet the above scumbag indicators are not recommended as candidates for your long-term stable commitment relationship. Obviously, scumbags do not have the ability to maintain a good relationship.

Finally, we want to tell you that falling in love with a scumbag is not necessarily because they are so charming, but rather it shows your focus and commitment, just like what is said in "The Little Prince", "It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important". Therefore, we always encourage you to love yourself a little more before you love others.

Please note that this is a rough translation and some nuances may be lost. The original text seems to be a guide on how to handle a relationship after identifying potentially harmful or manipulative behaviors in a partner. It's always important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and seek professional help if needed.