Don't Follow the Golden Rule

In it's broadest sense, the Golden Rule dictates that we treat others as we wish to be treated, "do unto others," and all of that Biblical (ahem, archaic) guidance toward leading our lives. Of course, we all want to be treated kindly and with respect, and the decent among us try to greet new people in a similar, reciprocal fashion. So where does this rule go wrong? And when do we stop being nice because society tells us to? It may not be the popular opinion, but I say that sometimes it pays to be mean.

There are different levels to this outlook, each with valid arguments supporting the notion of limiting kindness and in some cases even politeness for the sake of , at best, your sanity, and at worst, your safety. Now not to say that the fear of assault and physical harm is limited to women, because certainly men fall prey to the ne'er do wells out there as well, but because I am female (and short and small and easily stuffed in a trunk) and this is my opinion, after all, I will opine that women are particularly both at fault and at risk when it comes to doling out kindness without pretext. The adage "respect should be earned" does not seem to apply to the matching chromosomed of our species, instead, it should be given willingly and accompanied by a pleasant disposition right out of the gate. This becomes especially dangerous when we as women ignore that feminine intuition we're blessed (cursed) with, for the sake of placating an abusive partner or a potentially dangerous stranger. Our culture has taught us to be kind, disregard the warning signs, pay no heed to red flags, and in the end, it could result in emotional trauma, physical harm or assault. In my own experience, this attempt to keep the peace eventually led to a few police reports and a restraining order. Despite my partner's abusive actions, I still occasionally find myself downplaying his narcissistic and traumatizing behaviour to mutual friends, perhaps in an effort to reassure others around me and project stability and maybe compassion on my part.

A sense that something is off, you are in danger, your partner is treating you poorly, is oft times shoved aside for fear of being unfriendly, appearing unkind, or uncaring. This societal standard of geniality needs to be evaluated and restructured. Women especially need to feel comfortable listening to those warning signs-saying no, not returning the smile, not placating a potential abuser for fear of appearing disagreeable. Treat others as you wish to be treated, after you're sure they deserve it.