Don't Be An Idiot Like Me: Part One

Hi, my name is Annie. This is probably one of the decent pictures of me I could find, but that's not really the point.

I'm here to tell you how much of an idiot I am.

I've always been an awkward person, ever since I was a wee babe. I was awkward. I'm clumsy as hell (seriously, I broke my arm just because I fell while ice skating, which by the way was not fun) and I have practically no filter. Back in High School, I had hoped that I would have grown out of this by graduation... Well, graduation was three years ago and needless to say, I'm still the same as always.

My first day of college could be summarized with two words; panic attack. I would literally be in the midst of a panic attack every time I had to go find my next class. I accidentally went to the wrong class twice in a row and then there is the fact that I was terrified that someone would find it within their cruel heart to talk to me. And when I got home? I was pretty sure four out of my five roommates hated me.

Well, to be fair I didn't make the greatest first impression and to be also fair they caught me at a really bad time. I just got home from visiting my parents and I was super invested into this book I just started. It was about eight hundred pages or so and I just started it that day. I had like three hundred pages left and I was determined to finish the bastard. I was just sitting on the couch, book in my lap and completely focused on what I was reading. My roommates, Natalie and Brittany, tried to introduce themselves to me as I was reading... Needless to say, I wasn't too happy that they interrupted my reading. So, I thought they hated me and they thought I hated them. It was an awkward week or so in the apartment...

Luckily, girls are really good at talking about their feelings (Yuck). I hate talking about feelings. I especially hate talking about romantic feelings. I was raised with five brothers. "Feelings" weren't a popular subject in the house. I've had so many people ask me if I like someone and I just have to dodge the conversation.

Then there's the fact that if I say I think someone is cute, it immediately turns to "Oh, you like them, don't you?" No, you half baked biscuit. Just because I think someone is attractive doesn't mean I suddenly I want to marry them and have their babies. Like, girl, calm yourself. I am just appreciating the good looks that God had blessed him with and you can bet your little eavesdropping heart that I will be thanking God tonight for the chance to see that hot guy's blessed face.

Okay, maybe that came out more sacrilegious than I meant to... Some God-fearing mother on the other side of the screen is probably shaking her head at me, probably thinks my soul is filled with lust. Well, honey, you would be too if you haven't gotten any action since July.

I've been on a date. A single, sad, and depressing date... Actually, it wasn't that bad. I went with a couple of my roommates and it was kind of a double date. We went to a masquerade ball and it was fun and all, except for the fact that I had to ask him out instead of him asking me... Which is fine and all, but seriously dude? I did the hard part, the least you could do is kiss me.

Not really asking much, bro. I didn't put on a pretty dress and do my hair and makeup just to be waved goodbye to. You think I enjoy wearing a bra?! Those things are wire death traps waiting to kill you and I shoved my titties into one with the hopes that I would get at least get a kiss... He didn't even tell me I was pretty, like ouch. I know your oblivious, dude, but last time I checked? I'm cute as hell and I have curves for days. At least have the decency to try to make a move on me while we are slow dancing...

Except, all I got was nothing. I had the balls to ask you out, even though I literally was having a panic attack while doing it and I don't even get a compliment? Screw you, dude. But, the date was fun and we both decided that we are better at being friends than anything else.

So, yeah. Don't be an idiot like me, who accidentally went to the wrong class twice, who made a bad impression on her roommates because she was too invested in her book to play nice, and who went against my mother's advice and asked the guy out myself... And especially don't shove your titties into a strapless bra unless you absolutely know the guy is into you and your boobs.