Distance Makes the Heart

I am currently in a modern day, long distance relationship. "K," as I will refer to my boyfriend from here on out, and I met through Instagram. That's right. He followed me, I followed him back. He liked my pics, I liked his back. Modern day insta flirting is what I like to call it. One thing led to another and now we are in an exclusive committed relationship. I'm living in California and K lives in North Carolina. He is in the military, a lifestyle I knew very little about starting off, and I am a nanny.

In the beginning of our relationship, K and I established early on what we expected out of a S.O. and what we expected out of ourselves. We came to learn that we are very committed individuals and that, when it came to getting serious, we were on the same path. That is when the skepticism came in. Not from one another but from those closest to us, our families and our friends. We even had randoms chiming in with their opinions of how they thought we were going to fail. We have had conversations about these opinions that were thrown our way without our even asking and I have to say that these open hearted conversations have brought us closer.

There was one question in particular that was asked to me after a recent trip to Oregon. K's family lives in Oregon and over the Christmas holiday I flew out there to see him and meet his family for the first time. It was an amazing trip to say the least. After getting back my family had lots of questions on how the trip went and I explained to them all of the fun times we had together. Then my sister asked me a question that got me thinking. She asked, "If I could have my way and start my relationship with K over and we live in the same place, would I?" The short answer was no and the long answer, an even longer no. Let me explain my reasons why.

Reason #1

Being apart, though difficult and frustrating at times, forced K and I to get to know one another. He and I didn't physically meet one another until about two months in. Which means for those two months K and I were only able to talk. Through text, phone calls, and FaceTime, we had hours upon hours of getting to really know each other. We learned our likes and dislikes, what makes us happy and what makes us sad, what pisses us off and what life situations formed how we view the world. It was refreshing to be able to get to know someone for who they are. Sex wasn't a buffer. Don't get me wrong, like most people, I enjoy sex. I enjoy being intimate with a person, even more so with the man that I love. But not having that in the equation early on allowed us to focus on the inside, and when we were finally able to have those moments of intimacy it made it that much better.

Reason #2

Trust. It is the cornerstone to every healthy relationship. If you don't have trust, then you have nothing. Being in a long distance relationship forces your trust to be tested and ultimately fortified. Trust is such a fragile but strong component of a relationship. Neither of us has given the other a reason to not trust. We are very open about what we are doing, who we are hanging out with, and what is happening with our lives. This has given our relational foundation a solid ground. Both K and I have had our trust tested and broken in the past and because we know what that feels like we don't want to ever cause that type of hurt and pain to one another. Placing your heart in the hands of another person is a hard thing to do, but it can be the most beautiful thing when the person holding your heart protects it and cares for it as if it were their own.

Reason #3

Our communication is on point. If you are in a long distance relationship and don't talk to your partner, how are you guys even still together? K and I talk every single day and try to FaceTime just as much. Of course, sometimes that doesn't work out. But I notice that we both make an effort to make it happen as often as possible. We talk about anything and everything, from the serious to the downright silly. Communication is such a key component in making our relationship work, and when we are finally physically together there is never a dull moment. We have become so comfortable with one another that we can be completely ourselves and there is freedom in that.

Reason #4

Individuality in a relationship is important and it is one of those aspects of a relationship that I feel gets overlooked. Being apart has shown me that it is okay to still be myself and K's girlfriend. We are not getting lost in one another, which has happened to me before. It was unhealthy. And when that relationship ended I had to rediscover who I was. Not that there is anything fully wrong with that. Getting to rediscover and reknow (I realize that isn't a word) was an amazing journey for me. But it made me realize how lost in a man, especially one who didn't want a future with me, I was. I would never want that for myself again. This distance has made me see that I am an amazing woman and to have an amazing man by side through this life is a wonderful addition.

Are there days where I hate the distance? Yes. Are there days when I sometimes shed a couple tears because we aren't physically together? Of course. But I am happy that the distance between us has forced us to grow our relationship to heights I didn't think were possible. K and I are in love with one another. I don't believe that will ever change. We are not ecstatic about the distance but we both understand that it has shaped the foundation of our relationship. We look forward to the day where we will live together, the distance separating us no more, and we have even had talks about the possibility of me moving in the future. Until then we face the challenge of distance head on, crossing every hurdle together.