Dirt and Wreckage

Life’s dirt and wreckage, which is the dirt of what people have said to me, or, about me over the years, and the wreckage of life, the out of left field moments that had crushed me, or reshaped me, I realized they needed to be deliberately and consciously brushed away to expose my true self, my core being, and reveal what lies beneath. It was a challenge. I’ve been told that for some people it can take a lifetime to do this, others it can take a moment. Then there are times when life itself will take control and blow the winds necessary to expose who we really are, what we really are.

For me, I took control and did the work myself. It was painful at times, and somewhat unsettling, and I guess looking back I realize there was a reason for that. When I dug deep and was completely truthful with myself, I realized, that what I was experiencing was the end of something known and the beginning of something unknown. I found I had to remind myself that there’s as much value in pain as there is in joy. They are two sides of the same coin, one exposes the other, and therefore, they add meaning and context to each other. The coin cannot exist without both sides.

In the end I found my way through the relentless maze of my egoic mind. I watched as old fears fell away, and a new understanding started to shine, illuminating the same path I’d been walking on, but I saw it in a completely different way. I finally realized my life is unfolding in the present moment and that it’s all about my perspective of what lies, not just in front of me and around me, but more importantly, what resides inside of me, behind the mind. Once I became aware of this, once I truly observed this, there was great strength in that simple knowing.

Over the years, I’ve been able to learn from this new place I’ve uncovered and experience an awareness, deep down inside of me, of the eternal peace, of the boundless joy, the serene song of home, even if it’s just for a moment, a mere glimpse, that’s all I needed because now, now I know what I’m looking for. I now have my guiding light to navigate towards the home we all share. Now I get to finally see this core, this essential part of me and recognize it’s what’s in all of us, connecting us like the very air we breath, with no boundaries or form, universal, infinite, sustaining us, giving us life and meaning, a truth like a song that plays for us all. I now trust the direction of my life and believe that everything is unfolding for me so I can deepen my understanding of myself and others.

I often have to remind myself that I’m already home, that I don’t need to leave on some epic journey, because there is no journey to take, no philosophy to conceive, the search was over the moment I stopped looking, when the knowing become me. I just had to let go, and flow, downstream, like a fragile autumn leaf being swept away by the river’s current, and let the exquisite light of love lift my heart and fill me with a deep sense of peace and happiness. I now trust what I have known, deep down, all along, from the beginning, that everything happens in the eternal now and that I am not my thoughts or my emotions. I am more, I am part of the whole, along with everyone else, like a wave on life’s ocean with other waves that are separately rising and falling, but all moving in one direction, together, universal, one light, one soul, one love, and that is revealed once we brush away life’s dirt and wreckage.