dear my mother's country (my sorry letter)

At the very end is my deep reflections about this piece almost THREE YEARS LATER(2017) from writing this #lockdownreflections

But first, you need to read the original piece about how I felt about my cultural blood, my mother's home country, my ancestral lineage...

Here it is (and stick to it until the end for the revelations):

"

it was good to be back after a decade.

after living in a highly commercialised, western society, you have opened my eyes to the reality of the ‘living’ styles of people over there.

i don’t think i will come back soon. i might stop by there for a few days in the future but no longer than that. here’s why:

i’m sorry - the weather is too hot and humid.

there were days i was able to manage with a fan next to me (i was grateful of the air conditioner installed in some of the houses i stayed over — ever so thankful for this piece of technology!)

there were those days where i could not breathe properly from the air pollution). i am sorry but my nose couldn’t handle it — sneezing and a runny nose included.

i’m sorry - i was uncomfortable with the lack of sanitation & hygiene services in the public/community toilet rooms.

i am sorry - i have lived with a toilet where i can sit on and not a toilet bowl where i need to ‘squat.’

i am sorry - i am used to cleaning my bottom with toilet paper instead of a hose.

i’m sorry - i can’t sleep with ease, knowing there are mosquitos lurking somewhere, waiting to feed on my blood.

i came home with ten bites - apparently, one lady says that if i was a citizen living over there with those mosquito bites, i would need to be hospitalised.

i am sorry.

it is amazing that people are accustomed and adaptable with this type of living. i commend you for you daily suffering and amazed how you continue to live earnestly and make money to feed your family.

but i am sorry- i am not truly vietnamese because my ways of living are different to yours.

xin loi (sorry)

from: hoang oanh (my Vietnamese given name)

"

So humans, here i am #backagain in the same place three years ago. I would like to liken it to experiencing a season all over again but this time with the conscience on high alert and my daily doings being watched with the eyes of our deceased ancestors lurking in the midst of this crazy times.

Nothing has changed except my self, my attitude, perspective and my core.

The letter was harsh I reckon. I didn't mean to put down my cultural background like that. At that time I was still naive, stubborn and 'not ready' to handle the duty. #millennialmind

Lockdown has given me a wealth of insights #darknightofthesoul and I know that this is our second chance to try again.

Here are some semi-practical revelations to help you ponder:

Consider it as an action - a mental action to shift what's been holding you back, or making you stuck or hindering your relationships.

1.Intergenerational trauma is real BUT rectify-able (if that's a word). I would like to emphasise that we can't fix the problem entirely but we can make it work. It's like gardening and you care for it every season, through the dry spells, the cuttings, the fruits and the re-sowing. Every season is worth it.

In my case with my family, I have been given the gift of life from migrant parents who came with no money, no possessions and no English. What does that mean for me? The things I do, say and gain is to give back to them in return for the spoilt life I have #westernsociety

Return the sacrifice, love and care. You'll feel a greater sense of duty and responsibility to carry on what your great-great-great grandparents dreamed of.

2.Give time for yourself outside of the family and cultural duties #selfcare

I got your back in saying this. We also work, study and volunteer. But many people in society do not know that we also do these for our migrant parents:

We translate English (and vice versa). We teach them technology (not TikTok for my parents though) and we talk about our wants (but this part is tricky because we have arguments about our different dreams and goals)

How do we make this work? Block in time for yourself to play music, write, paint, chat with friends. Lockdown has called me to wake up at dawn for 3 months. 5am alarms mixed with candles, reading spiritual books and looking out the window was blissful. Put some time in your diary and you'll create an aura that you can make peace with yourself first that calms the tension between you and your parents. #forthosewhostillliveathomewithparents

3.SHARE your learnings, lessons and experiences to your friends and community

You will arrive in a place when you feel enlightened living as a second generation kid and feel the calling to reconnect with your childhood's teachings, music, history and wonder about what your great grandparents were like.

Listen to your parents' music.

Learn to cook your mother's food.

Love your parents (even if you don't agree with their words, tone, hypocritical remarks - they were raised in extreme, strict environments, political settings etc)

Share it.

Talk about it.

And get ready for the home-coming #hanginthere