Day One

It occurred to me today that in order to achieve something - anything - we must actively commit oneself to the task at hand. An obvious fact, no doubt. And yet, this idea of starting something and actually finishing it seems to elude me - I have tendencies towards being caught in my inner Spring, continually pushing new ideas out of the soil, but rarely do I seem to follow them to the juicy reward of luscious, ripened fruit.

Now, before I begin pulling at the threads of inspiration that these opening few words have sparked within me, I must set out my purpose, my intention, my Sankalpa. That is: writing, every day, for 30 days. A commitment. I do recognise the irony in desiring to rectify my habit of starting something new by starting something new; nevertheless, I have not yet attempted such a task, and I feel it is high time that I do. One blog, once a day, posted immediately, sans procrastination, sans overthinking, sans perfectionist editing.

My whirling, weaving, wild mind conjures up many thoughts in a day. I perceived this to be normal, until one day, I described the chain reaction of thoughts that lead to my current dialogue to my partner - he thought I was nuts. How could one person possibly have that many words in their head! I am sure I am not alone in this - many of us live in our minds more than our bodies. This mini blog series is an attempt to excavate that which lives in the comfort zone of my head, out onto paper, where it can be sifted through for any morsels of gold...or maybe just morsels of what it is to be human. I am writing this for myself - although, if one other person happens to stumble upon this, hello dear friend! Welcome! May we be a mirror for each other, reflecting all we need to more deeply understand ourselves.

I know I said this was day one, but I felt like chatting about some ideas that occurred to me yesterday...so bear with me whilst I examine this prequel.

Yesterday was a melancholy day for me. My logical mind kept nagging me - be grateful for what you have! Look around you! You are so lucky! I am learning that there is nuance in this. We can be grateful and know all the good we have in our lives, and still allow ourselves to feel, to have off days. To let the pervasive grey fog sit on my chest, and just let it be there - I don't need to force it away with a blast of shameful sunlight, weakly shining from within. Some days are just darker than others.

Anyway, so there I was in my morose thought bubble, gazing out the car window, pretending to be in a movie as I glumly watched the rain dribble down the window, when something snapped me out of myself. Nothing dramatic, no, it is rarely dramatic; rather, it is often the benign things that awaken us, only when we look upon them in a new light. On the sidewalk, next to the car, grew a tree. A tree that we so accepted and wanted as to have left it there when the entire street was being repaved. But, to keep with the uniformity, the cleanliness of all things new, we chose to pour concrete over its roots - vainly hoping that only the trunk and pretty leaves above would grace our eyes, and the reality of the mess of roots would be cloaked and hidden for our protection. Ah, but the tree, you see, does not believe such a thing. She rises, from her roots. And you cannot have such gorgeous branches if the foundation is not right. So, to stabilise herself, she has pushed through the concrete, cracking it, climbing her way to the surface once more, to stretch out on the pavement.

These tree roots reminded me that we live on a continuum. Every emotion is simultaneously present, and we undulate in frequency as to which end we are at. Sometimes, we sit in the roots - messy, tangled, a little lower than we liked. In the roots, though, the foundation is built, a time to deepen our connection with ourselves. Perhaps we have days of being at the trunk, where things are moving, growing, expanding. Moments of being a leaf, drinking in the light of life. Other phases see us in full expression, unabashedly flowering for all the world to see.

These simple tree roots brought me back to life, dispersing some of my inner fog. Perhaps I seek too hard to find meaning in the minute things that surround us. Equally so, though, I believe it is within these minute things that the secret to living is found.

So: life reflected in a tree? Yesterday, that rung true for me. I believe life is reflected in many things around us, if we take the time to look and ponder.

It is pertinent to remember that life cycles, too. As the saying goes - the darkest part of the night comes just before dawn. The moon waxes and wanes. The plant grows, blooms, then shrivels and composts back into the earth.

Right now, I am emerging from hibernation - moving into the trunk of life. There are growing pains with this. I am often at the mercy of the whim of my emotions. But, there is growth, movement. Life. Life is about feeling it all. Being with each phase, completely.

So. That's day one / prequel done. I cannot promise anything majestic of day two - I can only promise to give myself, completely.