I still care about you.
Six years ago, I fell in love with my best friend. We dated for a while and it was great, no complaints. I lost my virginity to him, but that's a whole other story though. We were the kind of couple that got attention because we were "so cute." At least that's what we were told so many times—gross, I know. Every day was an adventure, maybe the reason it felt so right in the beginning. Some things just don't work out, you know? This was for the best. I didn't see that then, but I do now.
The only thing that sucks and you don't really think about because you're so in love and living in the moment is the FUTURE! How will it be in the end? What happens if it doesn't work out? Are you still friends? Are you strangers? WHAT HAPPENS? I was a junior in high school when all this went down. So I wasn't really thinking about how this was going to affect our friendship in the long run.
He broke up with me the summer before our senior year of high school. It was just my luck that I had him for a class that year too and this beautiful thing called assigned seating forced me to sit next to him the entire year. It was super awkward at first, but we mended our friendship and things ended up being great. We really did just become friends again without the awkwardness of our past. It was like how it used to be.
The only regret I have now is how awkward everyone else feels about our friendship. Not just anyone, but people you start to date. There’s insecurities and mistrust, not because I did something wrong but because someone in their past did them wrong. And this happens to so many of us. I personally don't think that I've ever met someone who wasn't cheated on, lied to, or led on. We've all been there or know someone who has been there and it's so sad.
Because we all know this feeling or we know someone who does, and we do our best to not make the same mistakes. To not hurt someone else the way that we were hurt. Getting cheated on sucks. Being lied to sucks even more! Why does it have to be this way? PEOPLE SUCK!
All this has a point, I promise. The point is that we try too hard to not hurt someone else the same way we were. Not everyone does this of course but many do and that's what counts. How can you still be friends with someone your partner doesn't feel comfortable with you talking to or hanging out with? Everyone usually says that they won't listen to their partner when they tell them they can't talk to someone they used to date—which I completely understand. I have my own insecurities as well. How can you be a friend and a good girlfriend or boyfriend while still being friends with your ex? The answer is easy: you can't. If your partner is fine with it and doesn't feel bothered by it, then that's cool, you're lucky. I had to think about if the tables were turned to really understand. I get it now, but it doesn't stop it from sucking.
So, we’re left with a choice, which is always going to be hard no matter how much you love your partner... choose them or your friend. The beautiful thing about a true friend is that they will always be there. Even after all the terrible and confusing shit, they will always be there. I am and will continue to be friends with my ex until the day I die. No one could ever change that, but what can change is the friendship. I can't just call him in the middle of the night because of an anxiety attack or text him randomly to tell him he sucks. What I can do is every so often check in and see how he's doing, make sure that life is doing him well, and still tell him that I care about him.
It was the most uncomfortable conversation I had to have with him about boundaries because we never thought that we would be in that position, but it was real and very necessary for both of us. But, that's the best part about having a best friend. No matter how shitty or weird things get, they will be there for you.
So, to this I would say don't date your best friend unless you absolutely know that it's going to last because after that, it will never be the same.
If you ever read this, T, thank you.