Dating is Fun!

“Dating is hard” How many times have you heard your friends say this? How many times have you said it? I’m sure I even said it a time or two when I jumped back into the dating scene this year after years out of the game. I can see how people think it’s exhausting and no fun. The new name of the game is human window shopping (app dating) followed by an interview over drinks, because dinner would be too much of a commitment without knowing if someone checks all the boxes and wants to get married and have 3.5 kids, 2 dogs and a cat on the first meeting. I think I just had a mini anxiety attack thinking about it, where did I put the xanax and lavender?

After jumping on and off apps every other week, I thought “What am I doing to make this process not fun?” “What am I noticing others are doing on dates?” Oh the things I noticed on dates… Half the time I realized I was either practicing my standup comedy routine to fill the awkward silence or I was spending my time coaching people on how not to make it weird, because that’s not weird at all. Apparently, I was accepting coaching payment in Old Fashioneds, if I was lucky. One time I even spent the whole time coaching a guy who asked how much I would normally charge, we ate free nachos and I still paid for my $5 margarita. This couldn’t be the only way, right? You’re in luck that it is not!

Whether you decide the apps are the best for you, I get it we are busy people, or you are hoping to bump into the love of your life in a bar or grocery store, your mindset going into the process is everything!

I meditated on dating, what I wanted from life, a partner… myself, and personally decided I am much more comfortable with meeting people organically, again no judgment if swiping is your thing, it is the way of the modern world and I still casually dabble while binge watching serial killers on Netflix. I also came to the realization that people are searching for help navigating the dating world. Now I can’t give you a guide to find your human but I can help with the mindset issues holding you back from enjoying the journey and ultimately achieving your relationship goals.

This adventure has led me to some pretty exciting places in my own life and now I am working hard to share this with the world.

My first piece of advice is throw away your checklist! Yes, I understand that there are some non-negotiable deal breakers for everyone, and those that are truly deal breakers may stay. But must love kayaking, all-you-can-eat brunch and mimosas and horseback riding on the beach are not dealbreakers, you can do those things with your friends or on your own. The desire or lack thereof to have kids, hatred of animals, and other fundamentals are deal breakers. I’ve noticed when people look at app dating they go through wanting to find someone who enjoys the exact same things as them and dismiss those with different interests or taste in music, which absolutely blows my mind. Full disclosure, I am a very vocal advocate for chemistry, there is just something about being able to connect with someone, whether it’s just an ease of conversation, a physical draw or commonalities; I love chemistry. I have met and connected with so many people in life who I have dated or become friends with who would have never fit my checklist (if I had one) but in person there was just a spark that made me have to get to know that person better and I’ve always been grateful that I did. To me, checklists are just limiting.

Next, I say STOP MAKING DATES INTERVIEWS! Of course dating is exhausting when you walk in to cocktails or dinner with a list of questions. “What do you do?” “What do you do for fun?” “Do you want to get married?” “How many kids are we going to have?” “If I have a hard day on a Tuesday what are you going to do to cheer me up?” “Can the imaginary dog we are going to get together sleep in the bed?” “Tell me 100 things you already love about me” “What are you looking for?” I’m now tired, bored, no longer vaguely interested and on my 4th drink. Instead, how about planning a date around something you already wanted to do anyway? Want to go to a 5-star restaurant you have been dreaming of, followed by mini-golf in your fancy clothes? Do that. Sure, some people you propose the idea to may not be game but that’s already a sign your dating styles probably won’t mesh. At the very least, if you plan a date based on something you truly want to do, even if the person ends up not being your forever, you had a good time with an experience you wanted to have.

So go out there, open your mind a little, throw out the rules and have some fun!!!