by Morgan Sankofa about a year ago in advice / humanity

What does it really mean to touch someone?


When two hearts meet and choose each other, I like to imagine that the ancestors and spirits join together to celebrate that love connection. They gather together in community, fireworks, the singing of choirs, and harps strumming. An idealistic land where we get approval by a higher realm, and it's not something that we see, it is something that we feel. If you let your mind and body want to manifest anything, it will. I can vouch for that many times over. I believe that when you take your eyes from that thing in which you wanted to manifest in the first place, then you lose the thing that you wanted to begin with, and have to start back at square one. I was on a spiritual journey this time last year. It was the beginning of the summer, I was feeling very frustrated, very anxious, and my self-worth was less than 6 feet under. This was because I lacked a positive relationship with who I was, and my mind was tricking me to believe that the way that I was, was toxic. When we feed ourselves these spirit killers, as I like to call it, this truly blocks us from receiving that in which we truly want. How do you want to be touched? I love that this question seems so erotic, but it's not for me.

Do you ever just want to break out of your rigidity and moral "conduct" and just hug someone, long and unapologetically? We talk a lot about living unapologetically, but what about touching and loving others unapologetically too? I am in a balance between "keeping up with the trends," and staying true to my core. I guess I am always on a quest for self-improvement, and I give myself tests each day. From the outside in, I may be described as socially underdeveloped, but this is because I love my head-space, and I keep my heart-space protected, and generally off-limits to too many people. When I let myself open up, it is usually out of pure emotion: fear, love, happiness, anger, some-sort of internal conflict. And physical touch is rare to me. It's not because I'm not open to it, it's just because I'm selective about how I want to give it, and when I want to have it. It probably comes from being a single woman for so long. We think that no one is safer than ourselves holding ourselves us; it's pure ego. But at the end of the day we need each other. We would be lying to ourselves if we claimed that we didn't need someone to compliment us, tell us our strengths, adore us, seek us out for advice, trust us, and love on us whether that be virtually or in a physical space. Contact for me is described as two open souls that receive energy from each other causing real physical responses without any limits on the distance between them. I truly believe that you can make someone feel you from across the world, it is humanity that breaks down any language barrier, any cultural barrier, and generational barrier. When we find intrigue or attraction to someone, we are more prone to open up for contact, and in my opinion contact can promote healing, freedom, and a high that is otherworldly.

I love that as humans, we can resonate with each other. The reverberation of a common feeling. Mutual, simultaneous, a sharing of sorts only between you and the person that you are open to. From experience I believe that you can have soul-stirring contact with someone by just the sound of their voice if you allow it. Touch is such a multifaceted concept. You can let your imagination go free with how many ways this sense of touch can creep into everyday life. One of my favorite ways to "touch" someone is with my smile, and eyes. The feeling of being gazed out at may seem odd to some, but it is very natural to me as an observer. Eyes bring our reality to life, eyes allow color, movement, protection, reception to knowledge, reading, it's mental and physical. I can recall the touch of holding hands as such an exciting, magnetic, electric experience which is why I understand why couples do this again and again. Touching truly does heal everything from massages to slapping hands as a sign of common respect and props, it makes us loosen up. Even words being received from an object of affection can cause our faces to redden or give us tingles and butterflies. There would be no beautiful love songs if we couldn't receive the passionate, intense energy of sex, or kissing from romantic partners.

So, my mission is to let myself be more open to receive all forms of touch. Of course I am not condoning that this is forced or unwanted, but try new ways to share your spirit with others. So it's really about being more self-less, and being less inflated about yourself. You have the time to call someone to wish them good luck on their interview, you have a pen and paper to hand-write how your partner, or sister, or brother has made you feel, you have the tools to give your own self a hand-massage after you have typed that ten-page paper for class, or you can offer someone a smile, when they seem distant or low. Start small, and you can unlock the potential for powerful relationships. Some of the greatest moments of my life happened when I opened myself up to share my mind, my eyes, my heart, my space with another person.

I can't wait to build deep and powerful relationships now. To answer the question how much deeper can we go in our intellect, our bodies, our hearts? It gives me so much hope even in the times that we live when we are often in limbo between the chaos of politics and home, school, or work-drama to the joy and comfort of family, security, or friendships. I want to feel all the forms of touch that life has to offer. This should be unapologetic. I think that if we allowed ourselves to lose our guards more often, that our ancestors and spirits from the past and present would be having so many "love connection celebrations" that we feel their joy strike like lightning into each of our beating hearts. Keep focused, keep the faith, and if no one told you today, I love you.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Morgan Sankofa


Identity: Queer Empath and HSP 

YouTube Channel: Morgan Sankofa

I am a gifted writer 

loves blackness


Alicia Garza

humble peaceful folks.

See all posts by Morgan Sankofa