Comparison Is Not Healthy

by Chimdi Chime 5 months ago in advice

Pay attention to your relationship.

Comparison Is Not Healthy

I guess by now this is not news to you; you’ve probably been told a lot of times to not compare yourself to others, and the same goes for your relationship. If you haven't heard it before, well, news flash: do not compare yourself to others. Now before you get all defensive or sensitive, comparing yourself to someone is not the same as looking to someone for inspiration, or guidance. You know, social media whether we like it or not, has a very strong influence on us, even the things we think we come about originally, probably has its source deep rooted in something we saw on social media.

These days we hear the words “relationship goals.” Every couple wants to be relationship goals, but personally I think that’s overrated. We all just need to calm down, sit our butts down, take a cup of iced tea, lay back, and just calm... the... heck... down... as I said, when you look to someone for inspiration, you are letting them be a source of motivation, to make yourself better. You are not looking to them to be them, or to have what they have, that’s comparison. Or when you look to someone for guidance, it’s like having an informal teacher, they are probably doing something, or working in a field you would also like to work in, so you look up to them to get some type of help to find what path to take in your “own” journey. You are not looking to them to get the same amount of audience they have, the same amount of money, or do it the same way they do it, that’s comparison. You are uniquely you, and you are going to do it the way only you can.

Now, let’s talk about relationships, and “relationship goals.” Most of the time, the people we label as being "relationship goals," we don’t know half the things about them. Social media forces you to put out the best side of yourself, yes there are the outliers, but we mostly see the good stuff. We need to understand that life has its highs and its lows, surely those couples are not always going on “Baecations,” or buying themselves fancy things. No, that’s just not realistic, but we look at them and their wonderful vlogs and pictures, and say to ourselves, why can't I and my partner be like that, why can’t they take me out more often, why can’t they buy me this or that. Boy... Girl... you need to chill out. You don’t know what those couples you look at go through. You might think, oh I'm looking at them to just appreciate them, and hope my relationship can be like that someday, hunnay! If you are constantly looking at them, making you lose sight of the good things in your relationship, that’s not healthy; you need to stop.

I used to compare my relationship to this couple I personally knew. They both were at good places in their lives, they would go on vacations, they would post quite a few times on social media; videos of them being together all cute and happy. And sometimes it may just be as simple as that, comparing your relationship to the little things other couples put up on social media. I was guilty of doing that, my relationship wasn’t the type to put our business out there, but somehow, I thought I wanted that because of my comparison. I did that so much that I would sometimes be silently mad at my partner. I was losing sight of what they had, what they could do for me, and frankly how wonderful our relationship was. In the end the couple I was comparing myself to were not all that, some very bad things were going on behind the scenes and I found out. So, I said to myself, “is this what you are comparing your relationship to, girl you have it better, you better get your act together.” And I promise you, it's like my happiness went from 0 to a 100 in my relationship. Pay attention to your relationship, focus on the both of you, do little things that will help you get to where you want to be, and everything will be all right. If you lose sight of that, you may ruin something that was meant to be very beautiful.

I hope you don't compare yourself, or your relationship, and that you become a better you for yourself.

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Chimdi Chime

I am a mind wanderer who wants to turn my mind travels into a reality. I am a strong woman with lot's to learn. I love to express myself in so many different ways, from my experiences and what I have learned, so I hope you love my stories. 

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