Circumstance vs. Destination

Lately, I have been finding it very hard to be motivated and I am sure that I am not the only one. The funny thing is, it’s not that I don’t want more… because I do. It’s not that I don’t think I can make it… because I know I can. It’s also not because I want to give up… because although there are moments when I think I might, I know I won’t. Recently, I came across a video and something that was said truly spoke to me.

Do not base your goals off of the reality of your circumstances. Sometimes your circumstances are an exact opposite reflection of the plans that life has for you.

In that moment, I realized why I had been lacking motivation. It was not because I feared my future, but it was because I was running from the now. Sometimes when things get hard, I run! Who wants to go through tough times… right? The worst part is that tough times usually come out of no where. One day everything is fine, sometimes even GREAT! Your relationship is great; you and your friends are getting along; your bank account is flourishing and then… BOOM! Out of no where, you and your partner start to fight; you and your friends start to drift a part; and now your car has a flat, so you need a new tires. Or your pet gets sick and you have to pay for the vet bill. Or the water pipes bust and now there’s water damage. Whatever could go wrong, goes wrong. So you’re sitting there after a month of chaos and all you can do is ask yourself… how am I going to get out of this? Days, weeks, months pass by and you realize you have been sitting in turmoil of your life. Sulking. Thinking.

That is how I had been feeling. Instead of asking myself how would I get out of this, I started wondering if I ever could. Will I ever be able to buy my own house? Will I ever meet a partner who treats me right? Will I ever wake up and not be depressed? So what did I do? I settled.

I settled for feeling okay. I didn’t cry today, so okay that’s good enough. My car made it from point A to point B, okay that’s good enough. I didn’t hide in the bathroom for five minutes while my child screamed, okay that’s good enough. I didn’t fight with my friends, okay that’s good enough.

Within the timeframe of everything that had went wrong, I lost complete sight of this bright future that I had envisioned. I went from wanting all of the things to being okay with a life where everything wasn’t total chaos. Because of that, I stopped working towards that bright future. Instead, I worked towards the life I started to settle for. At the time, I thought this meant that maybe, that life… that I once saw… just was not the life for me. However, today I sit here and type this knowing that whenever everything starts to go wrong, it only means a door is about to open for you. Hard times are going to come and go.

In those moments, you cannot do what I did. You cannot see your circumstances and give up. You cannot see what you are going through and think this is all I will ever have… or all I will ever be. You have to stand up and FIGHT! FIGHT for a good day. FIGHT for your relationships. FIGHT for a better state of mind. FIGHT for the life that you WANT, not the life that you have. Because either way, everyday we are all fighting something in one way or another. Are you going to fight to settle… or to win?

Ofcourse this does not mean that in every fight you will win BUT life is all about being intentional. If you are intentional in your actions to strive for more, whether it comes now or later… you will get what you are fighting for. Now, instead of waking up and being okay with having an okay day… I put in the effort to make sure I have a great day. First I wake up with an idea of how I want my day to go and what activities I will fill it with. Although I am not the type of person to write it all down in my calandar, I make sure to have an idea of it all in my head and then I make space for things that are FOR ME. After that, I write down three things that I am thankful for. Whether it’s been the worst or best week of your life, there is always something to be grateful for and gratitude is one of the healthiest medicines for not only the mind but the heart (look it up if you don’t believe me). Today, I am thankful for my daughter, the sun and the ability to meditate. Then I start my day and in the middle of it, I take a break to watch a motivational video. This isn’t for everyone but I encourage it. Sometimes you just need to hear someone tell you that you can do it and that you will get through. At the end of the night, I pray and then I meditate. So no matter what happens in those other hours of my day, I start, break it up and end it with something FOR ME. This is how I plan to be intentional in making sure that my days are as good as they can be. This is just ONE way that I fight.

In my relationships, I fight for more by speaking my truth and distancing myself whenever I feel as though I am being held back or putting my own peace at sake. See, whenever I was younger, it was very hard for me to let people go. I based my relationships off of time rather than quality. So if we had a lot of memories together, I thought, I cannot let this person go because they have been here for so long… so how can I… just let them go? Well… easily. I now ask myself, how is this person benefitting me? No, I do not mean financially but spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Does this person build me up? Do they encourage me? Do they speak life into me? Do they teach me things? What are our conversations about? What vibes do I get while we talk or spend time together? And then once I answer those questions, I ask myself what kind of person is this? Is this someone who I would want my child to be friends with if they were the same age and why? (I ask that question because sometimes we stay in situations that we would not want the people we love to be in. So if this is not a person you would want a loved one to be friends with, why are you?) Is this someone I would bring around my family proudly? Is this a good person? I do my best to answer those questions honestly. A lot of people may say “friendships are not that deep” but see… I believe they are. Environment is EVERYTHING and sometimes can be a direct connection to all of the turmoil in your life. You’ll be sitting in chaos not knowing that if you were to trace it back to the core, it mostly revolves around the people in your life. So, from there I either choose to stick around or distance myself. I went from wondering how can I let people go to knowing that everyone comes into your life for a season or a lifetime and it is VITAL to know the difference. It’s also important to know that seasons come and go, maybe during THIS season you have to let go but it doesn’t always mean they have to stay gone forever. Whenever the time is right, maybe things can rekindle. Anyway, for those that I do keep around whether it be romantic, platonic or familial, I fight for more in my relationships by speaking my truth. This does not only mean that I say how I feel during a fight but I am honest in all aspects. I tell them whenever they are doing great AND bad. I tell them whenever they have said something to hurt me AND whenever they have said something that encourages me or makes me feel good. Before, I thought speaking my truth meant only speaking on the ugly side of things but it also means speaking on the good. A small example of the good would be if my friend is going out for her birthday and looks absolutely stunning, I will tell her. If I randomly think of her and how great of a friend or person she is, I will tell her and then I will tell her why. If we have a deep conversation and she makes some great points, I will point that out. For the bad side of things, it’s the exact same. Just say how you feel. Speak on what hurts and/or doesn’t work. It’s not about being mean, it’s about being honest and having healthy communication. If you are in a moment where you can only communicate out of hurt or anger, then cool off first. This is just one way how you feed relationships and what you feed, grows.

I say all of this to not tell you to follow me step by step in the process of being intentional in your own life but to say that no matter where you are… you are not at the end. There are many ways to be intentional. If you woke up today, do not let the turmoil of your circumstances stop you from fighting for a better life. You are not behind! You are right on time. None of our journey looks like the other. I don’t care if you have friends who have more than you or if you are constantly making mistakes and holding yourself back. RIGHT NOW, in THIS moment, you have the chance to say (and I encourage you too), my current circumstances are not a reflection of my future. I will get out of this. I will FIGHT to get out of this.

In this life you’re either fighting for more or laying down and watching the days pass by. Either way, life is going to continue. So… what will you do about it? That choice is up to you. I hope you choose to be intentional and fight for more. I hope by being intentional you see the changes in your life. Ofcourse certain circumstances in your life will not change over night but that is just a part of the process. Trust the process. Trust yourself.

And keep going.