Cases of Domestic Abuse Leave Deep Wounds in the Souls of Children

Cases of domestic abuse nowadays have a worrying frequency, especially in poor countries and especially in certain disadvantaged socio-economic environments. The family, which should be a center of affectivity, stability, and emotional comfort, sometimes turns into a prison from which you can hardly get out.

Especially in cases of child abuse, the effects can be devastating for the entire subsequent psychosocial development of the person. But even when the woman is physically abused (statistics show that in most cases of violence, the victims are women and children, much less the man), the aggressive, hostile, and threatening environment also affects life, the development of the little ones.

Causes of domestic abuse

The causes of domestic violence and abuse have been widely debated, taking into account both external and social factors, as well as internal factors related to the family, education, culture, and psyche.

Socially speaking, the emergence of violence is favored by the current society in which violence surrounds us, violent patterns exist everywhere, poverty, disorganization, increasing alcohol consumption, and certain cultural and social patterns.

The cultural pattern that would encourage family abuse is patriarchal - according to which the father is the absolute head of the family and has the right to punish its members when they do not comply with his expectations and rules.

Many consider that they do not have the right to intervene in the intimate environment of a family, and what happens within it is only the problem of its members - that is why so many cases of abuse, although known by neighbors, are not reported to the police. and authorities such as Child or Women's Protection only when a limit of acceptance is reached.

The mentality that "it's their job", "I have no right to get involved", "he knows what he's doing", "maybe it's worth it" persists and thus continues to live in peace, undisturbed by any men who frequently abuse wife or children. The community spirit is extremely low in today's disorganized and fragmented society and there is rarely any support from neighbors or acquaintances.

The internal causes, inherent to the family environment that increase the risk of domestic abuse are represented first of all by a hostile family environment, devoid of affection and a low level of education of the partners of the conjugal couple.

If we add to this the existence of frustrations related to the lack of financial resources, precarious housing, the lack of basic utilities, violence can appear as a mechanism to release frustration for the uneducated person or with an innate potential for aggression. In addition, if alcohol is added to the lack of material conditions - as is often the case - violence is all the more inevitable.

Alcohol inhibits rationality and unleashes instinctual and aggressive reactions. Therefore, in the case of much domestic abuse, the main scheme is poverty - lack of education - alcohol.

The individual, psychological internal causes that can increase the risk of domestic abuse are the existence of specific personality traits such as an increased potential for aggression, psychological lability, egocentrism, and emotional indifference.

These are exacerbated by alcohol consumption and encourage the adoption of violent solutions to a problem or any sign of annoyance, stress, or frustration.

In addition, the violent individual has learned the most secure social violence in his own family: the aggressor is often a former victim. Abused children who are not helped and assisted by specialists often end up blaming themselves and even considering that they deserve what they receive and that the situation is normal and therefore end up learning the same patterns of reaction to failures as in their own. family.

Thus, in so many families - unfortunately - there is a rule: "be good and don't make a fuss, today my father is nervous". And if Dad is nervous, he can unload aggressively at any time and on anyone.

The effects of domestic violence

If domestic abuse refers to the physical abuse of the wife, she is caught in a vicious trap, especially when there are children. She wants to leave the family environment, but she can't make the final decision, thinking about the children and the financial resources - in many cases, the man is the main financial supporter, which allows him to consider himself the master.

And when the woman repeatedly raped gets tired and wants to leave, the man suddenly becomes a lamb and convinces her that she will change, that she will no longer adopt violence. But there is no change in these situations… But the woman wants to believe it, so she stays "for the sake of the children" and wakes up in the same situation after a week, two, three.

And so he will get used to repeated abuses and even build a scheme to explain and excuse violence: "he doesn't want to do this, he's not himself when he does it", "if we don't annoy him, it doesn't happen", "Maybe I deserve what I receive", "at least he behaves nicely with the children". And that's it, we've come to excuse the behavior, which is unacceptable.

Too few women dare to leave a violent family environment once and for all. And the effects are devastating for the quality of life and the psyche of the woman: she will live in continuous fear, her self-esteem will be practically non-existent, her self-confidence on earth, her relationship capacity will be affected and she will always live in an endless dream

When child abuse is directed at children, the effects are even more devastating. Most of the time, children are afraid to tell someone outside what they are going through: colleagues, friends, teachers. And if they see that their mother is doing nothing to stop the situation, they come to consider it somewhat normal and form strategies to avoid the father as much as possible.

The abused child will close in on himself, will not be able to relate normally to other children, will have learning difficulties. Practically, his entire psycho-social development is called into question as long as he remains in an aggressive family environment.

Self-esteem will not develop, he will be afraid of relationships and maybe even worse, he will learn violence as a model of reaction to a problem. Many abused children also become aggressors, showing violent behavior towards younger children, to free themselves from tensions and frustrations, and because this is how they learned!