Bullies and the damage done...

It was time to admit defeat when Laura knew she wanted to crash her car on her way to work, just so she could have a reason to stay away from the place. Crash her car? Yes... She was an adult and not a young one either... her tormentors were even older than she was. She felt like a brick was lying on her chest and her mind started wandering back to her earliest bullying encounter, way back in Prep she was targeted by a vicious 5 year old called Margaret. Margaret was still bullying her at the age of 14, but by then the bullies wealthy parents had sent her away to a boarding school when she was caught shoplifting, yes her folks had money, but they had seemed unable to raise a decent human. In fact there were probably many many incidents Laura could call upon. But apparently she believed, as do many others that’s all part and parcel of being a kid. Whether it should be or not is a subject matter she couldn’t really think about right now. She knew about the amplified effects of social media which mercifully did not exist when she was young...that meant that back then you could at least get peace behind your own front door.

A PLEASANT EMPLOYMENT TRAJECTORY HALTED

Laura did not expect, however to encounter what she had to deal with in midlife and relatively newly trained in her field of work. She had returned to University at a late age and had been working successfully in her new field for a few years... She had gained experience, insight and she believed a feel for the job. This new job, that she was reluctantly driving to now, had proffered an opportunity to take what she had learned to an even higher level, but what it was actually doing was destroying her working life and faith in people who should have been her mentors.

MICROMANAGED

The first red flag that Laura encountered was to be told that they ( the bullies, aka her colleagues or team members)would tell her what to do, basically never mind all the newfangled stuff she had learned at University, or had gleaned from previous workplaces. You will do as we say, she was told, and because we are feeling generous we will even copy the paperwork for you. While in some ways this could have been seen as comforting, it also undermined everything she had planned for the job. Laura was asked to make resources out of discarded dog food tins, with their nasty sharp edges, amongst other bizarre things.. and the amount of completely avoidable busywork that was loaded on to her, made sure she was behind the eight ball, before she even started. Apparently she was expected to be at work 2 hours before her actual start time and not till leave until 2 hours after her official finishing time. It was set up so that was was pretty avoidable. No matter how exhausted and stressed Laura felt she had to be there early and leave late. And while she was there she had no support whatsoever, but she was gaslighted to a considerable degree... she was told to “go to lunch” so she went to lunch only to be lambasted on her return... “where were you?, we needed you for this ... ..” various versions of this occurred throughout the time she was there and she was isolated from most of her other colleagues due to the geography of the place. She was accused of calling her bullies unsupportive, when she only been saying she didn’t have an assistant, and being eavesdropped upon... Many people in similar jobs would not only have had an assistant but would have had mentors working closely alongside them. Laura’s bullies hid behind brick walls and twisted everything that she said and did. She couldn’t bear to think of the many other incidents that had happened. She had never felt so afraid in a job that she would not meet her own standards and would struggle to supply the support she was supposed to... She constantly felt like she was going to miss targets and that she was doing things inadequately. She didn’t like to think of herself as a victim... however in this situation... she believed that she was. Laura had never had any problems like this before in the 3 years she’d been in this line of work. Laura had garnered praise and had excellent references. She could see everything going wrong... and feared she would lose her confidence and ability to work in this field altogether... if she did not get out. And get out now.

LOSS OF HOPE

Laura resigned promptly. Once she did other colleagues came to her and said we knew what you were going through but what could we do? They apologised to her on behalf of those two women. THEY, the bullies.. would never have apologised, they were right and she wasn’t right for the job! Laura wondered who could possibly be right under those circumstances... while it was happening to her she had no one to turn to to ask for help or support , or let them know this was what was happening.

IT WASN’T HER

Laura returned to an old work place where she was welcomed with open arms ... she had always been happy in that environment....her confidence was restored. Laura had known that it wasn’t actually her that was the problem.. but, oh boy did they ever have her believing it was.

FURTHER CONSEQUENCES

Unfortunately at the end of that year Laura was diagnosed with cancer, she actually felt no surprise... the stress she had had to deal with at the beginning of that year, she felt sure would have given the cancer perfect conditions to seed and grow. It was caught early and she was fine, and the time away from work ... made her realise that for now at least she would be better to take up a much less demanding role.

5 YEARS LATER

Laura is stepping back up to her previous role, She wasn’t going to be doing it full time... but she was bursting with ideas and was ready and excited for the challenge. It’s hard not to let bullies win... but Laura did not intend to have that vile experience spoil her working life.