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Breakup Etiquette: Is There Ever a Good Way to Dump Someone or Get Dumped?

by Susan McCord 4 years ago in advice / breakups / divorce / how to

There are ways of respectfully ending a relationship but many people do not want to deal with any conflict or confrontation!

The reason so many men and women have a tough time getting over a breakup is due to the way it is handled.

When someone blindsides their partner with an abrupt goodbye, it does not allow them to have proper closure or understand why they were left high and dry; often with a one-line text message!

This is becoming quite common with new relationships in the millennium. The main reason being; texting, Facebook & other social media has now become the form of communication!

People are forgetting how to talk to each other face to face.(It’s easier to hide behind social media technology than having to deal with human etiquette the old fashioned way!)

It is scenarios like this that make so many people angry!

The lack of diplomacy & human respect involved when another breakup occurs is very deflating and becomes internally ingrained in a person’s self-worth.

What should you do if you are no longer happy in your relationship?

  • Do not settle or stay in relationships because you are lonely, afraid to leave, or don’t want to hurt them.
  • Don’t give them false hope for the future because of your own fears of being alone.
  • Telling them you “need a break” so you can end things with them gradually is wrong and takes time away from your partner finding another fulfilling relationship that is “real!” Don't be selfish.
  • Do not save them for a rainy day until you find someone better. This is really bad karma and sure to bite you in the ass down the road!
  • When you do have the strength to end your relationship, please don’t expect them to be friends with you right away! You broke their heart, remember?

Breakup Etiquette & Things to Think About

  1. Regardless of who ends the relationship, you should have the courage to be honest about why you need to move on. Don’t leave them guessing!
  2. Be kind with how you deliver the news to them. A public setting is never a good environment as they will need privacy to be able to react to your words. They don't need to have added embarrassment should they have a breakdown in a busy restaurant.
  3. If they break up with you, ask as many questions as you want to. This can really help you see if there is something you may need to work on for the next potential relationship or a red flag you ignored that maybe should have been addressed early on. (It could be that you have grown in different directions are just not meant to be in each other's lives anymore.)
  4. Breakup honesty can be brutal sometimes but at least you know why the relationship ended and you don’t have to spend the next few years trying to figure out what happened.
  5. Be classy! If you are the one who has decided to end the partnership, do not do it over the phone, in an e-mail or text message.
  6. Don’t become obsessed with trying to win them back by becoming a stalker or bunny boiler. It is over, don’t prolong the agony. Let them go.
  7. Move on with grace. As sad as it is, you can’t force someone to love you. Make room for the next person to come into your life that does love you.
  8. Own your mistakes from the relationship so that you don't carry them into the next partnership. It really does take two people to keep the love alive as a couple.
  9. Don't post endless photos of your new life. You just came from an intimate relationship with them and having them see you with a happy new spring in your step is hurtful for the one who got left behind. No one is that mature or strong in the initial stages, regardless of how they project themselves.

Many women have written to me complaining that there was absolutely no contact after their boyfriend broke up with them. Ladies, as hard as that is, they are actually doing you a favor.

Do you want to see how well they have moved on without you? That’s just more punishment that adds to your pounding heartache.

When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you anymore because they have lost feelings for you; what else do you need to know? Of course, it still hurts like a bitch, but there really isn’t much more they can say to make you feel better.

There is nothing more deflating than hearing them tell you that they don’t love you over and over again because you keep asking for clarity.

How Should You Handle the Breakup Aftermath & Maintain Your Self Respect?

  1. Do not give your ex constant power by calling them with tearful messages or texting them 5 times a day.
  2. Be careful how often talk to your friends about your breakup, as it can become too much drama that some people will start to avoid. You need your pals right now but they are not your therapist.
  3. You will have really bad days, some worse than others. Know yourself and choose to stay close to home at those bad times so that your vulnerability doesn’t get you into trouble.
  4. Take your ex off all of your social media immediately! The less you know about them the better.
  5. Make fitness a part of your day as often as possible. It is cheap therapy and helps you temporarily forget your heartache.
  6. Respect yourself! Do not allow yourself to be a booty call with your ex whenever they feel the urge. They can't have it both ways.

A breakup consists of a grieving period and understand that you will likely go through the 5 stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. It's OK to feel these things and the sooner you do, the sooner you will move on to finding happiness in your new life.

I learned about these 5 stages when my first marriage ended. My ex moved on much quicker than I did, which made it even more difficult to get on with my life. He had a girlfriend within a few weeks.

I was resentful and very hurt that he could be with someone else so quickly. We were still living in the same house together and there were awkward female situations that I had to deal with unexpectedly. If you have to share a home with your ex initially after a breakup, respect their space and they should respect yours as well.

You have to take some responsibility for the demise of your relationship. I admit I had some messed up childhood insecurities that needed to be worked on and my ex had a few of his own as well. This is probably what drew us together in the first place because we unconsciously thought we could help each other.

Another life lesson, do not try to fix people.

Try hard not to badmouth your ex to anyone who will listen. If they are such a horrible person why were you in the relationship until “they” ended things with you?

There is always a reason why someone came into your life and when you are able to take a closer look at why they were put on your path and truly understand those reasons; the sooner you will move on but also appreciate what they brought to your life at the time.

They are often difficult lessons that we needed to learn about ourselves. This is a good thing. <3

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Relationship Talk Show

advicebreakupsdivorcehow to

Susan McCord

Susan McCord (Dear Sybersue) is a Dating/Relationship Advice Show Host, Author, Certified Coach & Advice Columnist. She is a mature woman with young sassy attitude! She’s been there done that, has so many T-shirts she can open a store!

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