Best Friend

As a child growing up I had a rough start in life. I lived on bad streets, and when I was very small I shared the living room floor of someone else's home with my parents.

Eventually, we moved into our own place but in the same rough neighborhood. From a young age I experienced emotional and physical abuse from those around me.

That compounded with my autism made my life very difficult. I didn't have good friends, just people at school or people on the block. Most people didn't like me, I was bullied often and I didn't have reprieve at home either.

As I grew up I moved around a lot, changed schools, moved neighborhoods until I reached middle school. Nowhere was much better, just different mean kids, but always mean kids.

Eventually I decided to just stop speaking entirely. I figured no one wanted to hear what I had to say and no one wanted to talk to me anyway. No one noticed, and no one cared.

It wasn't until eighth grade that a group of girls transferred in and 'adopted' me into their group. Mostly, they noticed I sat alone and decided to sit next to me. They didn't engage much with me but they didn't shun me either.

Sometimes they'd ask me to tag along, and I'd follow them around school or from class to class when we were out. I didn't speak, I didn't smile, I didn't laugh, but I did listen.

I did enjoy the arms length interaction, but it also made me feel that much more lonely. I really felt at this time no one really wanted to hear me speak, so I wasn't courageous enough to do it. I enjoyed being around them but I was too afraid to take it to the next level.

In middle school I was still bullied. At this point I suffered an injury riding a horse and had to have a rolling backpack because of my new back injury. Often kids would grab it, launch it, kick it, stomp on it, etc. Lots of jokes, lots of pointing and snickering.

The girl group who let me attach onto them were pretty meek. Nothing was ever done about it, but I cared a little less about the bullying since I had people to sit next to at lunch.

Later in the year a new girl transferred in from Oklahoma. The girl group I was with decided to 'adopt' her too.

One day we were all standing in a circle outside of the gymnasium, waiting for the bell to ring for class. I was silent as usual, standing with my head down, holding my books. Conversations were happening around me, the new girl(her name was Ashley), was a social butterfly. She talked a mile a minute and could make everyone around her laugh with her stories.

Except me; I didn't laugh, I didn't smile, I just listened.

It wasn't until the conversation started to pivot against her(playfully) that there was a change. One of the girls told Ashley, "Man, you're so gullible, I bet there's a sign on the back of your head that says 'room for rent'!"

Ashley immediately started to spin in a circle and grab the back of her head, "There's a sign on my head?!" She said, loudly and genuinely.

It was so silly, I finally broke.

I just started laughing, I laughed so hard for the first time in years.

Everyone in the group got quiet, they all looked at me and I looked up at them trying to stop laughing.

Ashley asked clearly confused by everyone else's silence, "What's wrong?"

The group responded, "She's never laughed before. We've never even seen her smile!"

Ashley then broke into a big grin and said, "That's awesome I could make her laugh! She's my best friend now!" Then she crossed the circle and linked arms with me, and I let her.

The girls tried to warn her, "She doesn't talk."

Ashley said, "That's okay, I talk enough for two people."

That was the start of our friendship. I didn't even feel comfortable talking to her for almost an entire year! She would just talk about her day, or whatever was on her mind. She'd respond to my expressions, sometimes she'd insult herself("Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not crazy! It's true!").

She was such a funny, genuine person, who truly committed when she called me her best friend. Unlike the meek girls who let me follow them around, Ashley was bold and temperamental. She didn't let anyone bully me from that point on. She really helped me break out of my shell and truly find my voice(literally).

I am happy to say we are still best friends, and she still is an amazing person.

We have been friends now for twenty-two years!