Being Ostracized

Introduction:

July 2017 marked the inception of my YouTube journey, a venture preceded by months of internal debate. The fear of judgment loomed large—what if people hated the content, dismissed my thoughts, or questioned my expertise? These concerns, common to anyone embarking on a new endeavor, are rooted in the primal fear of being judged, a sentiment that has tethered us throughout history. To understand this fear's grip on us, we must journey back to the origins of human socialization.

The Evolutionary Roots of Social Fear:

Human survival in ancient times relied heavily on cohesive communities. Tribes, clans, and close-knit groups ensured collective well-being, providing protection from predators and support in daily survival activities. The fear of being cast out from these groups was rooted in the stark reality that isolation often equaled death. Fast forward to today, where technological advancements have eliminated many survival threats, yet the instinct to be part of a group persists.

Social Media: A Double-Edged Sword:

The advent of social media has amplified our innate need for validation. The introduction of likes, dislikes, and instant feedback has created a craving for instantaneous acknowledgment. The number of likes on a post becomes a measure of societal approval, pushing individuals to tailor their thoughts and actions to maximize online validation. The irony lies in how this quest for approval compromises authenticity, turning influencers into conformists.

The Ostracism Dilemma:

Ostracism, often viewed negatively, has a nuanced role in society. Research led by Sanford professor Rob Willer reveals that groups allowing gossip and the exclusion of underperforming members sustain cooperation better than those that don't. Ostracism prevents exploitation and encourages conforming to cooperative behavior. However, striking a balance between group cohesion and individuality is essential.

The Childhood Fear of Being Different:

Growing up with unconventional interests and questions about existential topics often leads to a fear of being perceived as different. The desire to fit in prompts the suppression of one's authentic self to avoid rejection. Many can relate to shielding their true thoughts and fears during childhood, fearing social ostracization.

Overcoming the Fear of Disapproval:

While societal judgment is integral for the functioning of a community, the line blurs when the fear of disapproval impedes individual growth. The journey to living authentically begins by acknowledging the natural inclination to care about others' opinions. It involves breaking free from the chains of conformity and daring to be disliked for expressing genuine thoughts, dreams, and aspirations.

The Power of Self-Validation:

In a world where anyone can voice an opinion on social media, discerning whose criticism to value becomes crucial. Accepting criticism from strangers who wouldn't offer advice is akin to allowing them into the sanctity of our minds. The fear of judgment intensifies when it stems from childhood friends or relatives. However, the consequences of living outside the primary group are no longer as dire as in ancient times.

Embracing Authenticity:

The internet, despite its drawbacks, offers a silver lining—a global community where individuals can find acceptance beyond their birth or upbringing group. Laozi's wisdom in the Tao Te Ching resonates: "Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner." The courage to be disliked becomes the key to unlocking self-imposed constraints and stepping into the authenticity we've always yearned for.

Conclusion:

The journey to authenticity demands the courage to be disliked, to break free from societal chains, and to embrace the true self. As we navigate the complex interplay of societal expectations and individuality, let us recognize that the ultimate freedom lies in living true to our beliefs, even if it means standing alone. The courage to be disliked is the liberation that opens the doors to a life lived authentically.