Being Bright

I think we all would love to think we are authentic in every situation. Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case. I don’t want to speak to anyone else’s experience so I’ll talk about my own. My given name is Mary Kathleen Cassidy, but you can call me Luminosa. It’s a name I have given myself. It means bright in Italian, and that’s what I aim to be: a bright light in this dark world. I’m a singer/songwriter/actress/model/writer, based out of Pittsburgh, PA. Try saying that five times fast…

When I first started my solo music career I was pulled about a thousand different ways. At the time I was living in Brooklyn, NY and working at Quad Studios in Times Square. My voice teacher had opened her own studio after the success of my fellow classmate Daya. I was an intern. When I wasn’t managing famous musicians coming in, I was making music with fellow interns in studio B. It was a whirlwind, and I thought I was on the precipice of something great. Unfortunately, people will see your light as something that should be molded. My friend at the time wanted to manage me. I didn’t have anything to lose, so I let her.

I picked the name Luminosa off of my heart, because I felt bright and beautiful. Sandie had so many ideas about what would make Luminosa famous. All of them were very far from who I was. First off, she wanted me in neon… Neon?? Like we’re at a rave. I on the other hand usually wear black and silver with a bit of maroon or a light colored jacket. She also wanted me in wigs. I have naturally curly brown hair that I used to straighten every day when I was young. I was used to people wanting me to calm my differences to make the vision of who I am in their minds more manageable. Wigs made sense to me, like I was supposed to hide me for some reason. There was a blue, purple, and red wig that we switched between.

I wore the clothes she picked out, I sang the songs she wrote, and I hid who I was. I felt cheap and inauthentic. Luminosa was me, but this version wasn’t. There was an industry professional who even told me none of this was working, but it felt safer to hide. That way if people hated the way I looked or what I sang it was never on me. Some layer of protection between me and hatred.

After about six months of torture I finally put my foot down and walked away from her vision. I couldn’t bear the thought of pretending any longer. I went back to my natural, crazy curls. I stopped apologizing for who I was as a person, and I started stepping into my own.

My life became so much more manageable. I remembered why I chose the name Luminosa in the first place: to give people something bright to look forward to. I walk in my black leather boots, to the beat of the music I write. I think sometimes we forget that love must flow to others from the love we have of ourselves. If you hide behind someone else’s version of you, or worse, become someone else for others you will lose the power to bring others up. That power stems from seeing the light in yourself. In knowing that you are worthy. When you put so much love into your life, others feel it. It spreads like wildfire. You become the light. It’s been inside you all along. Don’t hide it.