Beginnings

How do you begin again, when you don’t have no more drive, faith, or hope? Well I will tell you it is very hard!! I was in a dark cold place, heart was broken, I felt like I was worthless, beaten down to nothing emotionally and felt like no one would ever love me. How do you find yourself, how do you feel better about yourself, how do you find love!! Well in 2011, I thought maybe the guy I was with would wake up and see me, but no, no he saw someone else and I was finally after four years of not knowing who I was to him, tired of being a doormat, tired of being the designated driver at 2:30 in the morning, and tired of having my emotions played with!!! So I made the decision to move on and find true love. And man I found it, it took me a few tries but I found the man that put my heart back together, and made me into a strong woman!! He started my journey to find myself. Now I know what your saying I don’t need a man to help find myself and your right you don’t but for me, I needed this man to help me find myself. I will make this my series of how I was able to find myself!

My now husband showed me how someone is suppose to treat another. He showed me real love and kindness. For years I suffered with depression, I was teased as a child because I had red hair and was very pale, I also grew up with dyslexia and was made fun of when we had to read out load. As I became a young adult and started to have relationships, I didn’t pick the best ones, they would make fun of me because I didn’t understand something that seems so simple. They would make me feel very small because I wasn’t at their level. Now in the back of my head I knew I was better then what they were telling me I was, but they made it to where I didn’t feel worthy, unloveable, could not accomplish anything, WEAK!! I would cry and cry, I started putting myself down, I started calling myself dumb, worthless, and ugly!! Tell me why, why can one person do that to themselves and why do others do it to another. But it took one event to finally have me realize I can do better, I am better. So I started to try and do things for myself and also I started the dating apps. I got matched with a few guys, but there was one guy I got matched up with a couple of times but I was still be cautious because I didn’t want the kind of relationships I’ve had in the past, so as some would say swipe left I believe!! I did talk to a couple of guys on there but just wasn’t liking what I was getting and at that point again I got matched with him again, so I winked him. I believe a week when by and I just got fed up with it again so I just canceled and got off there. Well when I did that I got a message back from him, well I thought about it and was like I guess I will get back on and it was the best decision that I have ever made!!! And honestly I didn’t know that this decision would be me and him being together to this day!!