Before You Date Me

Before you date me, I want you to know that I am damaged. I'm broken. I'm weak. I have flaws, so do you. As many times as I have broken, I have put myself back together.

I am emotional. There are nights when I find myself crying uncontrollably, unable to speak or think. Simply numb with sadness until my tears put me to sleep.

I admit that I am a little crazy. I get jealous, I get hurt and I’m very easily triggered. I will overthink every conversation and message between us.

I have trust issues. Every potential relationship candidate, family member or friend that I grow attached to and build feelings upon has either left, lied, cheated, broken my trust or chosen someone better.

I will need you. More than you think I will. I will love you more than I love myself and that can be a lot to handle. I need someone to reassure me, make me feel like nothing else matters except the love we have between us.

Empathy is one of my greatest qualities. I've always said that when you've been through hell and back, you come out as the best version of yourself. You come to learn to deal with other people's pain, just as you would your own. I pride myself on my ability to empathise with people.

Looking down upon people whilst they are in a place of weakness is characteristic, in my opinion, of someone who hasn’t been through enough or a great enough extent of a hardship in life that allows them to empathise. People who judge other people aren't humane.

I think the skill to feel emotion and show emotion is more attractive to me than anything. I've gone through a lot of shit in my life. I've gone through health issues, family issues relationship issues, trust issues, money issues and broken friendships.

I've seen broken marriages. I've seen broken lives. I’ve seen others get hurt and lied to. And I remember things. So, I've always said once you get on my bad side, I will forgive you, no doubt, but I will remember everything in great detail.

I think being in a relationship with someone for a decent amount of time can teach you a lot about not only yourself but who you become with another person. Being with another person is like an extension of you.That person, someone is a reflection of you, and if they don't align with your values and your beliefs, maybe that's the cause of the relationship failing.

So before you date me I want to make sure that our beliefs are aligned. If not, I don't see the point of wasting each other's time. It sounds brutal, I know, but when I've had my time wasted and been heartbroken it doesn't feel right to waste someone else's.

I wouldn't say I have the time. But I do have a typical look of a guy that I go for. Maybe it's more so an appeal of comfort. Someone that I feel looks the best with me personally. Someone tall. someone dark. Someone handsome. What a cliche.

I read this quote on Instagram the other day. It said something like… I'd much prefer to hear honesty then be left on the scene in ghosted or something. They said, it's not you, you’re attractive, you’re amazing. You’re just not for me. Something like that.

I now try and live by this in terms of dating because if I know within myself that I don’t feel in alignment with someone physically, mentally and in values, I don’t want to waste their time. The power of intuition has become super prominent in my life. Recently, I think that true gut instinct is something that we can't overlook and really can provide us with a lot of knowledge and answers to a lot of things.