Bad Girl House

Before we had even been in Virginia for a few months, John’s father called him about a job opportunity back in Ohio. The contractor they often worked with was bidding on how much it would cost for them to build HUD housing. His father wouldn’t be able to accept the job if John didn’t come back to help him. It would be long term, possibly indefinite work, so turning it down really wasn’t an option. It had been years since either of them had had steady work. It was also not an option for me to quit my job after only months of teaching. We had to figure out how to make both jobs work logistically with one vehicle between us, and Jessica, who had just turned one. Since I had to be able to drive to work every morning, John’s parents really had no other choice than to make the drive to take him to Ohio whenever they needed him.

We found one opening for day care at a woman’s home, and made an appointment to meet with her. John was making judgements about the place as soon as we pulled up. It was a very modest house with a yard that was in need of manicuring, but did have swing sets and slides. He seemed to have made up his mind before we had even gotten out of the car. He eyed the area while I got Jessica out of her car seat. Our knock on the door caused some barking in the distance that quickly got louder, along with the sound of shuffling paws. A small dog rushed past us, as an older woman answered the door with a baby sleeping in her arms. I apologized to making the dog bark, as she invited us in. She told us not to mind the toys all over the floor. That didn’t bother me at all. I could only imagine the mess of toys that would be everywhere as Jessica got older. I sat Jessica on the floor in front of me to play with some of the toys that were nearby. I looked around the living room as the woman talked about how she usually ran her day. There was another baby asleep on a blanket over by the window, as well as a few little ones running around. That didn’t bother me either, understanding that sometimes you have to improvise. There were several cats walking around, even checking out the sleeping baby. I had a cat at home myself, so that was fine with me too. Overall I felt pretty comfortable with the idea of Jessica spending her days there, and her evenings with me. Even thought it was the only place she could have gone, I thought that we had found another great fit. We didn’t make a definite decision on the spot, but told the woman that we would more that likely be in touch very soon.

John waited to express his opinion until we got back in the car. He apparently didn’t like anything about what he had just observed. He said that he didn’t wasn’t Jessica staying there, but I reminded him that it was our only choice unless I was going to drive to one of the bigger towns in the morning to take Jessica to a daycare center. His solution was to take Jessica back to Ohio with him. He felt that it would be better for her to be with family than being with a stranger all day. He made it sound like I wasn’t going to pick her up when I was done with my school day. It’s what so many families had to do everyday, and I didn’t understand why it wouldn’t work for us. I’ll admit that it would have been difficult at first to drop her off with someone that I didn’t know, but both Jessica and I would have gotten to know her. It was also difficult to think about Jessica being gone for days, even weeks at a time. As much as I thought that Jessica staying with me would be fine, my opinion on the matter didn’t seem to have much weight. Whether I wanted him to or not, John was going to take Jessica with him when his parents came to pick him up. He said that she would even be able to go to job sites with him, since his mother would be there to watch her. They would take her play pen, toys, and books to entertain her while they were working. I was worried about all of the possible dangers. They would be surrounded by nail guns, saws, and other workers that weren’t going to remember that there’s a baby to be careful around. The only thing that made me feel a little bit better about the situation, was the fact that Nana and Papa would be there to help with taking care of Jessica. I wasn’t sure how patient John would be with an upset baby, but I did know that it was normally my job to calm her down. And she was too young to communicate her feelings any other way than laughs and cries. If John was getting impatient, his parents could step in.

It wasn’t long before I was packing a bag for Jessica to make her first trip back to Ohio. I wanted to make sure that she had anything that would make her feel comfortable. She would need her favorite blanket, books that she liked to hear, and her favorite toys. She would especially want her doll that we named Cassie. She was a small baby that looked like a sunflower. Jessica used the bright yellow petals around her face to teeth on. They were rarely apart.

Nana and Papa stayed in Virginia for the day, and then needed to be heading north. I helped put all of her things into their van, and buckled her into her seat. The van doors slammed shut, and they began to roll away. I watched them drive up the street, with an empty feeing in my stomach. That’s when it finally struck me that I was was waving goodbye to my little girl. She was going to be having milestones almost every day. Milestones that I would be missing. Her first steps, her first words, every new discovery would be happening hundreds of miles from me. I had never lived by myself. Even though this was only going to be for short periods of time, I was used to always having someone around. I would be surrounded by my students at school all day, but I would still be coming home to an empty house. John did call the apartment ever evening, but wasn’t really interested in my day. Most of the phone call was me talking to Jessica. She couldn’t answer me yet, but at least she could hear my voice while she was away.