Are you an Alpha?

We know exactly what we want, or, let's be real, exactly what we don't want. We are Alpha's. Some people call us intimidating, too honest, I've gotten psycho because dare a girl speak her mind. Sorry not sorry. Here's the thing, they are two types of people in the world (for the sake of this article) the natural leader and the born to follow, follower- the Alpha or the Beta. I appear Beta because of societal norms and my West Indian Culture, but, get to know me and you will find what my 2nd grade teacher told my Mother, "she's a leader." Leader of the pack, that was me. Children wanted to be like me, the shy yet confident girl who did her own thing no matter who did otherwise. What you did was not my concern, my concern was only my pack. I give credit to my Father for creating his perfect Alpha (total tomboy, critical thinker) daughter. Dad would tell me and my brother everyday he took us to school, "If everyone is jumping off the hill, what are you going to do? Jump too? Don't follow the crowd." Little did he know that I would be the first person to jump and everyone would follow me. Risk-taker, challenge-maker, not accepting any losses. My Mother had her hands full and she might say, still does.

Who am I today? I'm the girl who guys allow to be me well because I don't allow it to be any other way. The guys I date casually, love me the way I am. I don't need them, I want them and that's a choice that only an Alpha can make. I listened to Patti Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker) speak to a crowd of 1.5K followers in the audio-audience last night about dating. She's a matchmaker here in Los Angeles who had a hit show on Bravo called the Millionaire Matchmaker. (I get the feeling she's about to get back on air) I listened to her give the most loving yet direct, advice to answer all of the ladies questions, until Zack popped onto stage and began his "question" saying, "I keep a spreadsheet of my dates." Patti lost her you know what, we'll say, lost her cool. The rebuttal's were an unveiling of ego attacks and it was ongoing until they had to silence Zack. Apparently, Zack had never even managed to have a long relationship in his life. His profile makes him the assessment taker, ocd man who Patti said will never find a girl who feels comfortable enough to love him. She was relentless, she even asked him, "what's your sign?" After which he responded, "taurus." To close out the interview, she blatantly says, "I would never date a taurus, I hate them. Gemini's and Taurus do not work." There you have it ladies and gentlemen, take what you want from the above example. Patti's an Alpha or even a Sigma female.

What happens when an Alpha dates another Alpha and maybe top earner? Someone from the audience asked, how does it actually work when both are top earners? Patti said the default will go to the man to pay for things but the woman can use her money to treat him. Here comes another concept that Patti taught- men need to do good to feel good where women need to feel good in order to do good. Mind blown. Women need to feel comfortable in a man's space and then she will "spread" Patti's words not mine. What do you think of that?

If you don't know what the Clubhouse app is, get to know it! Check out my article "Hello Clubhouse!" I've also listened in on some conversations about the masculine and feminine energy that pervades either gender and the part they play in the success or lack of, in relationships. There are a lot of love coaches on Clubhouse. I appreciate them because we are a complicated species- human sexual attraction is the hardest thing to replicate. To the robotics makers, I wish you all luck trying to program sexual attraction in bot form, that will take a few lifetimes if even possible. Well, we have choice don't we? We have feelings that conflict with those choices all of the time. Add someone pressuring us to make choices before we are ready to, we have an even greater problem. We have survival instincts.

My ex was an Omega male, yes, I wasn't familiar with this term until recently. We enjoyed a certain amount of freedom because we were both natural leaders who didn't seek to influence the other in our own right, neither of us needed the other, we were together because we wanted to be together. (Things changed a bit, see my article below, well because our dynamic changed and we began trying to influence the other to get what we wanted from each other, which was mostly respect.) Look ok, there's nothing more sexy to an Alpha or even an Omega, than a partner who has a mind of their own. A man or woman who has their life together, is capable of their own self-motivation and does not need your validation, who yes, needs reassurance and support from time to time but who values understanding and respect above all else. I remember the one or two times we ever had a discrepancy in our communication, he would look at me with his huge eyes and say with defeat in his voice, "I thought we were on the same team." Here's the secret that only we get, we know without a doubt that after this relationship runs it's course, we are going to go off and keep doing our own thing. Interference is not permitted in our lives unless we allow it and unless it works for us. How do you come to this understanding? It's like pack-code talk, leaders of the pack know what's up. My ex made decisions everyday when it came to my Alpha personality. I knew when he needed his space and freedom more than he knew mine. He would only join my team when he agreed which is fair.

Relationships are tough but no spreadsheets are necessary, unless they're for yourself. Make a spreadsheet about your qualities, wants, needs. Get to know yourself, your comfort zone and what might be the push you need to get out of your head to feel and experience love. That was the point that Patti was trying to make and as a fellow Gemini, I got that point. It's not that Taurus' can't be taught, it seems like they can't be taught but everyone learns. How you teach might be the problem. Some people regardless of their astrological sign just feel more comfortable listening to themselves and not venturing out of their comfort zones. In my years until this point, I can confidently say that there is someone for everyone, you just need the courage to live for someone else. That's what love is right? You're no longer the only important person in your world, you now have to share the proverbial stage with someone else. Every actor has a role however, you will never see the hero talent, playing everyone else's role right? That would make him an egomaniac, distrusting person (Tom Cruise) You get the point... I don't like the word compromise but I do like the word sacrifice. I don't know what it is about us Alpha's but we require loyalty. Now, it might mean different things to different people but ultimately, we want loyalty. It won't work unless we can feel your loyalty and that's why we date so many Beta's. Beta's go with the flow, they let me be me, they're patient and understanding, supportive and able to keep the Alpha's attentive, loving care. An Alpha needs to feel important like we are fulfilling a need, it can be a great driving force. I'm like that even in my friendships. We desire someone who will support us and be by our sides when we need that because we're unlikely to ask for it. It's hard for an Alpha to be vulnerable. What would you think of the leader of the pack having vulnerable moments?

From the above article, thank you Brandon Gaille, it seems as though I'm moving from an Alpha to a Gamma female. In work relationships, I'm the Omega female. In high school, I was a Delta for sure! I've just never been an anxious, insecure person (thanks Dad) but I have played by the rules before... Especially when becoming acclimated to a new environment, aka, culture shock. Let's just put it this way, I do it more for me than for anyone else. My understanding and security is always at the core of my personality.

The above article, thanks again Brandon Gaille, is for the men who might be reading this. I will never be a man no matter how much masculine energy I naturally exude. A man will never live inside of a female body, the way we are chemically wired for lack of a better word, is one of a kind. Until a man can carry a life (baby) he will never understand a woman. Men still cringe when women are on their period, tell me I'm wrong. This is why I can never fully be a feminist, I understand these differences and do not desire or think it possible for the male and female species to be equal. Should we have equal opportunities in the work place and be compensated equally? Society dictates that we definitely should. When it comes to romantic relationships however, equality is an impossibility. Of course, that's just my opinion. One of my male friends with a unique perspective like myself and also an Alpha, said recently, it's about finding the balance of the two energies that will allow for equal exchanges of give and take. I happen to completely agree. I know how to check my ego at the door and no longer debate just to win and make myself feel like the one in charge. I don't need to prove anything to anyone especially since people prefer to believe what they want to regardless of any input you offer, but I'm working on embracing my feminine energy which is "receiving." Male energy is giving.

Are you confused or have you reached a certain level of clarity from reading this article? I would implore you to pay attention to the profiles above, click the links and identify with your core. It's important to not only embrace yourself but to embrace others just as much. Regardless of our type, be inviting and welcoming in your own unique way if you are to find love. Consider this my dating advice from one Alpha to another and everyone in between.