Another one free

Week Six

This week began with exceptionally good news. Adam is getting out! Adam also known as B. Francis was a man who entered just a few weeks before I did. He is also one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He was the brother who maintained the grounds, all the equipment, and the local wildlife population around the compound. He spent many days just removing the snakes so that the leadership would not see them. He saved rabbits and placed a dear fence to keep all the produce that was raised, safe.

He sent me a message on the cell phone he keeps secreted away to let me know that he spoke with the leadership and has made the decision to leave despite the love bombs that they are now throwing at him. He also let me know that the leadership is angry with him about his leaving. Things I am realizing now are due to the cult mannerism of the group. They will try anything to get you to stay. Love bombing, anger, threats, all these things are normal within the cult setting. I may have only left a little over a month ago, but I am already starting to recognize the signs.

I am excited to show him the outside world that he has missed since he entered! He will not be living with me but will be living close and it will be good to see him. We have been messaging back and forth. He will be doing therapy as well to process the last few years. His family is more welcoming than mine to welcome him back. He is excited to see the nieces and nephews and how they have grown. They are excited to show him around their homes and lives.

So much happens when you leave the cult. A whole new world opens before you. I now have a movie and book list of things I was not allowed to read or watch, and I am making progress on it! I am listening to music that does not have religious connotations for the sole fact that the music is enjoyable. Yet, I find myself struggling with guilt. Am I going to hell because I left? Is there any hope left for me? Am I worthy to be loved even though I failed at succeeding in the cult? Is it alright for me to not believe in what they taught me about? I found a great example of this when I watch the movie Tangled. When the princess first escaped the tower, she is elated with the freedom and in the next breath riddled with guilt over enjoying that same freedom.

One day I will know what it is like to enjoy freedom without the guilt. I will love and be loved again. If what they professed was as good as they said it is, then escape would not have been necessary. I think hell is a made-up place to scare the masses into obedience. There is always hope, always. One day I will fully believe all the previous five sentences. Until then, I will repeat them as often as necessary until I do. I will hold firm to the truths I have learned and know that as I grow and change the way I understand the truth will change as well.

So, this week has been up and down. Adam is going to be free of the same constraints. The cult is now another member less and in less than two months. Maybe if this trend holds the cult will self-destruct. One of the few good things that will come out of covid, and since it is covid they cannot actively go out and recruit new members.