And All the In-Betweens

by Brittany Bates 2 years ago in marriage

Relationships, Marriage, or Wasting Time?

And All the In-Betweens

Most, when they think of marriage, they think of life long commitment. Or a new last name. In some cases, they see ownership and a way to keep someone tied down, which is one of the many reasons the divorce rate is sky high.

When I think about marriage, I think about the blossoming friendship; the fact that my husband has been my best friend since we met. I don't see ownership, I see a partnership. I don't see the fancy new last name, I see our children sharing OUR last name. I see, him, at his worst; which to me is the most amazing side of him.

Being that we've been best friends since we met, we've seen each other in other relationships with awful people who didn't treat us right. The people who didn't see our potential. And in some odd way, I think our friendship is why we never got serious with those other people. Granted, during our friendship, we dated people for lengths of time. Ranging from a year and up. But we always, always kept in touch. Daily, if not every other day. No, we had never fooled around in any way. We were just really close friends. We had many things in common. The same interests. That sort of thing. We just clicked.

We went a solid 5.5 years before we finally told each other our feelings for one another. Once we realized our feelings and tossed about the idea, we left the relationships we were in, and started "talking" as people put it these days. Nothing official, just testing the waters. From that day forward, it's been us against the world, so to speak. We haven't been apart since. With that being said, every relationship and marriage has its troubles. Some can push past the trivial things, some can't. To me, relationships are serious. If I'm spending my time with you and giving you everything I can to show you I want you in my life, my ultimate goal is marriage.

I had always only had one foot into any other relationship I had ever been in. And to be honest, with my now husband, I lost my footing and fell completely in. Which was a blessing, because he did too. Sometimes it takes a while to find that person. And sometimes they've been in your life all along, you may just be too afraid to express your feelings towards that person. Which was our case, to a T. We were scared that the other wouldn't feel the same way, and the friendship wouldn't be salvageable. But in all actuality, I don't think anything could've ruined our friendship. We had been far too close for far too long. We had helped each other through breakups, deaths in our families, we had grown close to each other's families. And of course to my dismay, the rumor was that his mama was a witch, to put it lightly. BUT, turns out, we are a lot alike.

My mother in law has had a lot of influence on me and how I handle things in my marriage. She's been around the block a time or two when it comes to men and she has seen the ugly side of all situations when it comes to men. So when asking for advice on a problem or situation, she's my go to. Always. She can still be a witch, don't get me wrong. But we agree on a lot of things and the main thing is trust and respect. So long as those things aren't messed with, "We good," as she would say. But nonetheless, there are always obstacles in relationships and marriages. You've just have to learn how to handle them without a temper, or hurting the other person. Be a team, and fix it as a team.

Relationships were never my strong suit. I always screwed something up. I close off and keep things to myself at times. And other times, I can't keep my mouth shut, no matter who I hurt in the process. Or, that's how it used to be. When I started dating my husband, after seeing everything he had been through, I vowed to myself, silently, that I wouldn't ever put him through what those other people put him through. He means way too much to me, to hurt him intentionally, or even accidentally. Whether it's due to something I say when I'm mad, or whatever the case may be. I knew right then and there, I would do everything in my power to never do that to him.

My husband is as selfless as they come. He doesn't open up to many people, but if he opens up to you, you see the most amazing person. He is such a kind soul. He has a heart of gold. And if the man loves you, he loves you. Love and trust are hard to come by with him, and once you screw either of those up. You're done. Don't get me wrong, he won't just give up on you. He will erase you from his life. He is no stranger to heart break, in many aspects of his life. He's been through hell in his 30 years. But he is such a great man. He is an amazing husband and best friend, and he is one heck of a father to our son. He does anything and everything he can to help someone in need.

My whole point here, is if you're with someone simply because you don't want to be alone, just stop. You're being selfish holding onto someone else's future husband/wife. If you can't see yourself with them for the rest of your life, stop wasting their time. Trust me, I've done exactly that. All because I didn't want to be alone. But that's not the way to live. Build your self. Focus on yourself. Craft yourself into the person you want your future husband/wife to love. You have to love yourself above all else.

And for those of you in serious relationships with "the one," don't rush it. Take your time. Learn each other, build one another as a team. To those of you married, make sure to never let your temper get the best of you. In the heat of the moment, if you think you're about to say something you know will hurt the other person, walk away and calm down, revisit the issue after you both have calmed down and settled and talk it out without spewing mean or hateful things to one another. The absolute worst pain in this world is hurting the closest person to you. The person who helped build you up and stable your life and future. Cherish your significant other/spouse. With the world, filled with so much hate; let your love flourish in your relationship/marriage.

Marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100. It takes 100% effort from both of you to make things work. It takes both of you, as a team, to get through all the rough and bad stuff. And it also takes both of you to cherish the great and wonderful times. It makes it all that much sweeter.


Brittany Bates
Brittany Bates
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Brittany Bates

Stay at home mama, to a Cystic Fibrosis warrior. He is 21 months old, full of life, love & salt. Married to my best friend of 12 years, with one fur baby. Our story is just begining. Stay tuned!

See all posts by Brittany Bates