An End to Two Years

Let me take you back to January 10, 2016: A day that changed my life forever in the best way possible, I would definitely say. I was at work on my lunch break when in comes a text from my then-boyfriend whom I had not really heard much from for the past couple weeks. Things were definitely rocky between the two of us.

He said something along the lines of, “What are you doing after work? Can you please stop by my house when you get a free moment?”

I thought it was a little odd because here it was, the middle of the day on a weekday, and he knew that I had plans for the weekend. I was oddly hopeful at first though, and thought maybe he was being spontaneous and wanted to try to amend things. Since we had been together for a little over two years now, I thought perhaps he didn’t want to throw it all away after all. Me being the person I am, though, urged him to tell me a little more, of course.

I asked him if it was about anything bad and he said something along the lines of, “It’s not bad for you, I just have a lot going on in my head. A lot of bad thoughts and I’m not sure what to do anymore.”

I of course, took this as that’s it, he’s going to break up with me. So, I hurried to finish up with my work for the day so that my anxiety would stop eating me alive like it had been since lunchtime.

When I finally got out of work, I called my friend I had made plans with and talked to her about what had happened and asked her what she thought. She of course thought the same thing. So, yup, you guessed it, queue the waterworks.

Mind you, I had called her in my car parked in my driveway because I didn’t even want to wait that long to discuss with someone what was going on. So here I am, for the first time of the day, sitting in my car bawling my eyes out, fearing the unknown.

After confirming with her what would happen, she pulled up to my house. We went inside and I got changed out of my work clothes and began crying again after we talked about it some more. My mom got home shortly after and the three of us talked about it. We had come to a consensus; I was going to be single when I arrived back home. After all the talking about the inevitable, I just wanted to go and get it over with.

So, without further ado, I was on my way to his house. I listened to music the whole way there and talked to myself and thought and held back tears. When I got there I texted that I was there and asked if I should come in. His response was simple: “no,” and within a few minutes he was walking out to my car. I thought this was strange.

After two years of spending our lives together, I’m suddenly no longer allowed in your house? He got in the passenger seat and I just sat and stared at him waiting for the nightmare that I had hoped would never come.

I had thought for the two years we were together that this would be the guy I spend the rest of my life with, and now here I sit in my still running car having my whole world shattered. I don’t remember much of what he said that night, but a few things did stick with me to this day. He had the audacity to tell me that I was perfect, but basically that I was too much for him. He still had a lot of growing up to do and he didn’t think we should be together while he did it.

He also told me that he would not love anyone for a long time after me, and that maybe someday we could be friends and possibly even try again later in life. That’s about all that I remember him saying. I couldn’t concentrate much on account of me bawling my eyes out for the second time that day in my car.

I don’t know what possessed me at the time, but as a way to say goodbye to the best friend I had known for two years, I reached over and hugged him for a solid minute or so. He thanked me for it and I told him I needed to go and that I could no longer look at him.

Thinking back, I wish I had just thrown him out of my car the same way he threw me out of his heart. Everything he had told me that night was of course bullshit.

He went on to be with the girl he was “just friends with” while we were together and to “fall in love with her.” That’s all water under the bridge now, though, because fast forward to present day; here I am carrying my first child with the love of my life.

Had I never experienced my time with him, I wouldn’t have met the man I’m actually supposed to marry. He was there for me right after my break up, and now we are starting our own family. My worst date ended up turning into my best. And for that, I will forever be grateful.