About Abusive Relationships.

We do not often hear the word abusive in the media. The vast majority of people use the word "abusive" as synonymous with physical violence, but it is good to know that abuse takes many forms: financial, psychological, emotional, and social.

An abusive relationship is a relationship in which one partner does not take into account the rights and feelings of the other. There is physical or verbal aggression, emotional blackmail, manipulation, disappointment, and the power ratio is uneven.

The most obvious cases are the most serious, but the abuse can often be subtle, and the abuser does not even realize that he is being abused.

In the following lines, I am referring in particular to the couple's relationship, but most of the points reached can be valid in any type of relationship, including family, friendship / social relationships, or even the relationship with a colleague or boss. For simplicity, I'm talking about male abusers, but in reality, both abusers and victims can belong to either sex.

How do you know if you are involved in an abusive relationship?

We do not often hear the word abusive in the media. The vast majority of people use the word "abusive" as synonymous with physical violence, but it is good to know that abuse takes many forms: financial, psychological, emotional, and social.

How do you recognize an abusive relationship?

The signs are present in the partner's behavior in a masked form, attention:

1. The partner manifests from the beginning of the relationship, the desire to make declarations of love to the partner, promises, grand plans, including the idea of ​​living together.

These early manifestations can be an indicator of future emotional and/or physical abuse, as the partner risks becoming jealous and possessive.

2. Jealousy and possessiveness, proof of love for you?

Only he can say that because the specialists claim that they are in fact instruments of control over a person, which gives the offender the possibility not to be responsible for his actions but to always blame the partner.

When possessiveness and jealousy can no longer be controlled, physical and psychological abuse can lead to loss of self-esteem.

3. Controlling feelings and limiting their expression is another indication.

Your partner may tell you when and how to experience certain emotions: for example, "it wasn't time to laugh", "why are you so happy?", "You're too sensitive", etc. All these are processes of manipulation, of conditioning, coming to live the feeling of fear instead of the one of love.

4. Humiliation, criticism, excessive accusation, accusations, orders, denials are part of the list of indicators in the domination of the other, in changing his behavior to the liking of the offender. All this leads to the installation of the feeling of devaluation, on the part of the abused person; he begins to lose confidence in her and her abilities. Example of expressions used: "Don't you see that you are not able to?", "You are not good at anything", "It was only because of you that it happened", etc.

5. The partner controls you at every step: who you meet, who you talk to on the phone, how you dress, how long you are away, how late you are, etc. If you have frequently encountered such manifestations from your partner, find out that you may be in an abusive relationship. From a simple control of your daily activities, it will turn into a harsh boss, in the sense that it will forbid you to go out in the city, to put on make-up, to arrange yourself, to meet your friends, etc.

6. Does the partner show anger at the pet, punch the table, throw various objects around the house? Find out that this is the beginning of physical abuse that will be directed at you.

Most of the time, the abuser will use emotional blackmail and tell you that he is sorry, that he did everything out of love for you, that he will change and that he will not repeat himself, etc.

Do not let all these manifestations control your personality and take measures for your protection. Ask for help, be strong, and value yourself because: “No one, under any circumstances, deserves to be neglected, insulted, humiliated, ridiculed, ridiculed, controlled, forced, intimidated, hurt, hit, pushed, grabbed, or touched. in an undesirable way. ” (Dr. Steven Stosny)