How to Suffer Less: A Little Guide to a Less Painful Breakup

Have you just gone through a breakup or are you in the process of separating from the person you spent many years with?

First of all, "take it easy": don't panic!

You never know how things will turn out. Maybe they will evolve for the better, because you will break away from things that were hurting you in your relationship, or maybe the breakup will help you become more aware of your feelings and get closer.

Or they will evolve into evil - you will suffer until you recover. There is also this possibility. But you can't know from the beginning, so if you think it's the end of the world, it just means that you limit your imagination and thinking to one possibility when in reality there are many more.

Continue your daily routines and socialize more than usual!

Do not give up your good habits if they are a source of satisfaction or balance. Giving up on them means throwing yourself into daily, emotional chaos. Doing certain things constantly provides stability, balance, confidence, and a sense of control.

For example, keep drinking green tea in the morning, keep going to the gym if you've been going before, keep your regular hair treatment, or keep watching your favorite show.

In addition, it is necessary to socialize more now than before. There is a tendency for the couple to reduce our social activity. Interaction with as many people as possible increases the level of intelligence, which is proven by scientific studies.

The brain is more stimulated, more excited, happier to receive all kinds of information than to be lazy in isolation. In addition to this, getting in touch with loved ones daily, even through a simple phone, text, or email, increases emotional resilience, meaning it helps us cope much better with problems.

Get closer to your family (parents, cousins, uncles, aunts)!

People who have good relationships with their family of origin live longer and have a much lower incidence of mental and physical diseases (cancer, heart disease, brain)!

Seek balance in a form of spirituality that will bring you understanding and peace of mind: meditate, pray, read spirituality books, self-help books if it helps you (I recommend the book I Am Ok, You Are Ok)

After you have calmed down and secured yourself through friends, family, spirituality, books, etc., get to work!

In your analysis, of your relationship that has just ended, of your relationship with other men/women from the past or present (you can also take into account the relationship with bosses of the opposite sex, with your father, with the authorities, because usually, I find certain patterns in all these relationships).

What's the point of going through a breakup if you don't learn anything from it? What was the point of so many relationships (if you had at least 1–2, they are still enough, if not many so as not to draw any conclusions about yourself) if you do not count the mistakes made, the good things you did and ways different relationships that you could have adopted to avoid the end?

Do not rush to blame the other, even if the temptation is great.

Only in exceptional cases is there a situation in which only one partner was completely wrong, and the other was perfect. Could you have acted differently in your relationship? You could have done something to avoid the painful moments that eventually led to the breakup. apart)?

Could you have reacted differently, found less comfortable solutions to resolve a conflict?

What were the behavioral and attitudinal "inheritances" you came from in your family of origin, or from other relationships in this relationship? With what kind of beliefs about how women should be and how should men be, did you come from a family, leaving in life and in relationships with concepts taken for granted?

Do not leave these questions unanswered and write down which aspects of your person you will need to focus on the most: impulsiveness, lack of confidence in yourself, others, jealousy, etc. And he doesn't just let them stay on the list, he works with them.

Make a personal development plan, taking every aspect in turn. Focus, for example, 2–3 months on impulsivity only. Isolate the rest, because you will not be able to pay enough attention to all the behaviors at work.

Do not feed on negative emotions such as the desire for revenge, jealousy of former or current new partners of your boyfriend/girlfriend, conflicts with your or his parents, etc. Some emotions weaken you mentally and take you away from your goal, that of overcoming separation and becoming better.

And last but not least, the investment in your image. It will increase your confidence, it will be easier for you to socialize, you will move your thoughts from the painful subject.

If you feel the need to share the things you are going through or feel that you cannot solve the mystery that prevented your relationship from working, go to a psychotherapeutic group for personal analysis and development where you will benefit from the experience of a specialist and the feedback of everyone else participants who will observe more objectively and will help you to "mirror" yourself in others and to understand yourself better.