I have asked this question:
Which is better: To desperately need someone or to want someone in your life?
Thus far there is a resounding silence...because I fear most folks do not know what the difference between the two choices is.
Let's look at it this way...we are designed for true love.
But what is true love? Is it just a carnal sex driven relationship? Or is it deeper and more pure? What drives true love? Is it the external or the internal?
True love in fact is completely internal. It looks beyond the faults, the external appearances, the physical and dives deep into building a relationship based upon knowing the other person. By knowing, you can deeply relate to them in all areas. But you're not entirely reliant on the other for your daily life's ups and downs. You're supportive of each other, but you know your limits. You both have free will and often make choices that can bring conflict, and despite all that you still remain in each other's company and find yourselves wanting more still. You both rise and shine and you both fall and get dirty. You're independent of each other but tied together at the same time. You challenge each other to be a better version of them. You strive to see the success in the other as well as your own success. You're the perfect duo, a team of misfits. True love doesn't keep you caged and chained. True love keeps you freed and bound. True love isn't this fantastical derivation that the movies, television, or music portray. It's the deep binding of souls on a plane where no other can know. It's being known and knowing. It's an open act of walls coming down, letting someone into the door that is your vulnerable and protected side. It's showing them the weakness...and they love it nonetheless.
Therefore, when you think of want versus need in the light of true love...
Wanting someone is far deeper. It's choice driven, and freely given. This means you're not codependent but rather co-driven. You see them as a free soul to make their own way but you've chosen to come together in use the same ship to sail the world. You're both loving the other of a choice not because of desperation. You make a choice to love and get to truly know that person. And they in return do the same. Wanting each other is a healthy way to bring two different lives into balance, one not outweighing the other but in beautiful equilibrium.
Need, in light of true love, takes on a darker twist. It becomes desperation, obsession, and eventually crashes down in despair. It leads to a destructive end to freedom of choice and guides someone into the shackles of feeding the other's needs. I read an article and it summed up need as a "one way ticket to codependence". Codependency is harmful because one gives up one's own identity to keep and fix the other's brokenness. That is not a healthy way to live your life. You'll forever be bruised, damaged, and broken. Need eliminates your free will to choose...and makes room for excuses that deny reality. One will always outweigh the other, and take up far too much energy and room to truly develop a healthy balance. It will always end up being an imbalanced relationship because of the loss of free will.
So which is better? Wanting.
However, society keeps telling your that needing someone is the best solution...
What you need is water, air, food, and shelter.
What you need is balance, limits, and understanding.
What you need is what keeps your life sustained.
People fail us. Life shows us that. So you don't need someone else to sustain you. You need to sustain yourself to attract others to you.
A lily is beautiful and a self sustaining system...and we are likened to lilies of the field. Be the lily.
About the Creator
Rachael J. Davis
Writing is to share experiences within my own life. I use Vocal to promote my own lyrics and poetry more than anything else. Thank you for reading these simple poems and lyrics. https://lnk.bio/allisnotgold04
Keep reading
More stories from Rachael J. Davis and writers in Humans and other communities.
Finding Joy in the Little Things
Dear Future, Once upon a time there was a life where the simple things took precedent over the complicated things. This kind of life was valued by many people, and for most, cherished. It kept them from falling away into despair, and it kept them connected to their roots and created bonds that lasted lifetimes. As the world turned away from each other, the simple things seemed to vanish alongside the turning. We forgot what it is like to just smell the fresh air, feel the dew on the grass, raindrops falling from the sky, the touch of another’s hand or the hug given to another out of friendship. We have forgotten a lot of the simple things, and became overrun with the fear of others, the fear of invisible things, the fear of fear itself. Fear leads to many things that are costly, and the price has been our sanity. The price has been the soul of a people lost to themselves. The cost of the new world is less humanity. More selfishness, more greed, more laziness, more gluttony, and more of the dark elements have risen. The voice of reason, the voice of unity, the voice of peace, the voice of truth has been lost to the wayward goals of the unconnected. We have lost the value in working together to achieve remarkable things, of taking pride in allowing ourselves to be us without fear. The internal qualities we grew up with have altered as society has lost its sense of truth and justice to demands and threats. In a world where terror ruled, the person became the target of the higher government officials all in the name of ‘national security.’ This led to direct mandates by the government onto a people whose constitution gave them the right to overthrow the government as needed. The rebels inside America have lost their senses as they no longer are educated about the truth. People are educated to make themselves feel better and to believe they are the best. Reality is that education has fallen, and the bar keeps falling as if that will make it better. If we took the truth of education seriously, none of this would be happening. But a child, limited in their education, is easily controlled by their emotions as they are not going to reason out the end. This is the sham that a politically controlled education system does.
By Rachael J. Davis2 years ago in Humans
Which Police Baton is The Most Popular and Widely Used One?
The police baton was an important part of the culture and history of military organizations before the invention of firearms. In 1864, Britain also introduced a "baton calling system" for their Yeomanry cavalry. It consisted of an officer holding a baton at shoulder height, with two armed soldiers flanking them. This is not the only method to signal commands or orders during marches or drills.
By Mai Sophiaabout 21 hours ago in Humans
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.