A Psychiatrist at Harvard University About the Power of Empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand and feel a person's emotions and thoughts as if we were experiencing them. This is the most important skill in building a relationship based on trust.

For a long time, this ability was considered innate and inherent in only a few people. But Harvard author Helen Riess, a psychiatrist, believes that empathy is a skill that can be learned and developed.

Riess has developed his method of empathy, based on research in neuroscience. Here are the seven basic skills you should develop to find a common language with everyone:

1. Ability to maintain eye contact

Everyone knows the proverb "The eyes are the mirror of the soul" and it is true. Riess recommends, whenever possible, arranging important meetings, not by phone calls, but face to face.

Keep in touch for a long time, because that's how you tell your interlocutor "I'm listening to you and I'm not thinking about anything else."

"These few extra seconds make the other person understand that you see him," Reuss explains.

2. Ability to recognize emotions in facial expressions

Studies in the neurobiology of empathy have shown the existence of a neural mechanism that helps us unconsciously imitate the actions, posture, facial expressions of others, as when someone smiles at us, we almost always smile back automatically.

Thus we can recognize the difference between a fake smile and a real one because the muscular face seldom lies - less often than words.

So pay attention to this if you want to better understand how your interlocutor feels.

3. Ability to maintain a confident posture during the conversation

No one trusts a person who is willingly bent over, with his head between his shoulders. A straight back suggests strength and self-confidence.

Riess always talks to her patients while sitting in a chair so that her head is at eye level.

4. Ability to recognize the emotional state

This is a very important skill. Always pay attention to the emotional state of your interlocutor - maybe he is sad, upset, confused, or in a good mood? It is unlikely that you will be able to find a common language if you do not understand what part of the emotional scale it is currently on.

Millions of years of evolution have made our central nervous system a well-developed tool, able to recognize even the faintest nuances of another person's emotional aura. Even if this process is not done consciously, it still works.

Listen to your instinct.

5. Ability to recognize information that conveys the tone of voice.

Linguists use the term "prosody" to refer to the tempo, rhythm, and timbre of a person's voice. According to Reiss, the prosody "fills the spoken word with an additional emotional meaning, telling the interlocutor much more than the word itself could have done." That is, it is important not only what you say, but also how you say it, how quickly, and in what tone.

As a rule, the calming tone of voice helps to establish contact more quickly and to interact with another person much more easily.

6. Ability to listen

"The ability to listen empathetically means to pay full attention to another person, to recognize his emotions, and to react with sympathy, without condemnation," writes Riess.

For example, try not to talk to anyone when you're in the "red zone." When emotions are heated to a dangerous temperature during a dispute, take a step back. Do not interrupt the other party. Don't try to mirror it, bringing your emotions to a boil.

If you follow these rules, the dispute will diminish quickly.

7. Ability to respond appropriately to the interlocutor.

Emotions are contagious. You may not be fully aware of this, but your emotional state has a direct effect on others.

"Our nervous systems interact at a very deep level, and your feelings about other people can say a lot about how they will perceive your words or actions," Riess said.

If you are bad, insecure, or, for example, afraid of something, these emotions will certainly have an impact on the people around you and will significantly worsen your communication.

Pay attention to the emotions you express, because it determines how people around you will feel about you.