A New Kind of Hero

I don’t know any heroes who haven’t suffered to gain the title. I don’t know anyone who has suffered and feels like a hero. Most long for the ease of silence, and are too humble for the recognition. Yet, the heart of a hero is a lonely one.

I believe those who are meant to be heroes were also meant to learn the hard way. To have what you treasure taken from you or lost forever. Whether it be your innocence, your ability to love, or your will to live, what we lose is what we seek to foster in others. It is the loss of what we cherish most that teaches us compassion for others, for the heart dare not open until shattered into a million pieces.

Most heroes never receive the recognition they deserve. Most heroes don’t even know they are heroes, or that they are here to create something beautiful from their pain. It often just happens that way, and you wouldn’t even recognize the synchronicity of it, for it just looks like life itself, expressing cause and effect; a series of events that create the precise recipe needed for someone or something, to be saved, nurtured or simply loved. You wouldn’t think that finding it in your heart to hold space for another would be a heroic act except in this day and age, it is still a rare occurrence. Too many are still hiding behind their fears, nestled into their creature comforts and yet too restless to find the patience to set aside their own needs for another.

To be there for another does not come without need. To be there for another is an exchange like any other, where both needs attract and fulfill the other. The doctor’s passion to heal is fulfilled by the patient’s need to recover. The rescued dog undoubtedly rescues the rescuer. The lost hiker who’s been found, relieves the determined hearts of the search team, so they can finally rest. The friend who has experienced more than her fair share of hardship knows exactly what others need to get through a hard time, and shares her wisdom and heart space for others without reserve.

Some may think that heroes can be made by mistake, but that’s only if you believe in mistakes. Of course, you could just be walking down the street and accidentally trip and fall into someone, at the precise moment that allowed them to dodge a speeding bullet, and others could call you a hero, but more often than not, a person like this is assigned the title and doesn’t feel worthy of it or even want it. In fact, a hero by mistake may very well not be a hero at all unless they come to discover a need to serve within themselves as a result of their presumed heroic experience. A hero, as defined, is someone who commits selfless acts of service that tend to the needs of others, which is quite different than falling into the role by mistake.

The opportunity from such an experience, is to bring awareness to the hero within, and this is the true honor. An incident like this, in itself, can be synchronistic and initiate a person’s journey to actually awaken to their own heroism. When a light is shone on one’s actual lack of servitude, they initially either feel guilty and undeserving, or deny it altogether. From there they may breech the subject only when their own innate need to be saved is threatened or denied. We are all innately selfish in nature, yet we learn to give and share when we learn how good it feels, and when we see the difference that it makes. Of course, some are natural givers, but more often than not, their life has shaped them into the person that they are, allowing them to experience early on the benefits of giving to another.

When we put our own needs aside for another, we call this a heroic act of selflessness because to do so appears to be devoid of self, but in all honesty, an act of heart is only devoid of selfishness, but not self. It takes courage to be a hero. Some people say, “Well, that’s just what you do!” And don’t second guess their intuition to act or allow fear to paralyze them. Often they do this because they know they haven't had it as hard as others, and they see their own resiliency that can be utilized and put to work. This is the kind of hero that hasn’t had their sense of self beaten out of them. This type of hero hasn’t been stripped of their self worth, to the point of having to remember who they are after losing themselves entirely. You see, there are all sorts of different types of heroes, and some heroes are terrified, but have no other choice than to do what is right. There may be other choices, but the option to go against what is right and true in one’s heart has the ability to break even the weakest of cowards when put to the test, and that is the lesson every hero has come here to learn.

Being a hero is all about choice and choosing what's right. It's being brave enough to choose what others aren't willing to muster. It's being brave enough to stand outside the expected norms and rock the boat of traditional expectation. It's being brave enough to go back and help when no one else will. Sometimes what's right might be choosing the lessor of two evils. Both options hurt, but one may have a more promising outcome. Sometimes what's right might be to choose your own path that doesn't conform to the obvious choices. And, sometimes we can't see the outcome and we just need to make a choice, but undoubtably, the most change comes from choosing something new and different than what you have chosen before. This is how we breakdown old patterns that keep us playing small. We invite the newness of change to enter our spectrum, and allow the old to fall away.

The only ones who are not heroes are the ones who are either too selfish and greedy to care or too condemned or beaten down by life to see beyond the illusion of their own fear. Both have the ability and option to grow and change their perspective into one that lives with purpose and honor for all life, but not all make the journey. Selfishness appears in many forms, and whether it comes from entitlement or lack, both can’t bear risk losing anything. Those who feel entitled either don’t see the point, or they assume the role to control, manipulate and deceive those in need. Those who play into their charades are either innocently naive or too fearful to see the truth, and too comfortable to admit it. They would rather be led than think for themselves and are in a perpetual state of being “saved”. In this way, both parties are still fulfilling a need for the other and are a perfect fit for each others needs until the needs of one changes. When someone is in the position of holding on, playing it safe, being selfish, hiding, running or being defensive to the call that life has put before them to step up to the plate, they will continue to repeat the same actions and live out the same patterns until something makes them uncomfortable enough to finally change.

Deep down heroes also need saving. Most heroes save others in the same way they, themselves need saving; a cry for help that they hide behind by being the savior. They are the ones who experienced the loss or were left out in the cold, but until they save themselves, they will not recognize their true purpose, and they will not allow themselves to be truly saved. Often saviors martyr themselves for the cause, because this is the only way they have learned to receive love, acceptance or appreciation. It’s the difference between suffering and being empowered. We can spend our whole lives devoted to the cause, and others may consider us a hero, but unless we empower ourselves to be transformed by our experience, we will not reach our true zenith.

Most of us are many things and are not just one way. We may excel in one area, and lag behind in another. You may be a hero to some, but a thief in the eyes of another. We tend to achieve recognition in the areas that come easy to us and foster our good traits. On the other hand, we may never feel fully satiated or accomplished until we face the challenge of being present in the parts of our life that we fear the most. We may never fulfill our true purpose if we don’t open our hearts to the ones who caused it to close in the first place. This isn’t to say we must tolerate what does not serve us, but pain will not subside when locked behind closed doors. When we can admit to what hurts us, and walk away from those who cause us pain, not with resentment, but with a knowing of what is best, then we become a hero in our own right, as we have done what is necessary to save ourselves. The ripple effect of such an act does not go unnoticed and will change the lives of everyone around you. Acts of kindness to self, are acts of kindness to others.

While many heroes spend their life focusing on being selfless for others, I think it’s a special kind of hero that can also be the hero for themselves. We simply don’t appreciate ourselves enough, and I think the common error that is made when defining a hero is that they are completely selfless and devoid of self. I don’t think that is the true identity of a hero. Certainly, one can put their life on the line for others and this is heroic indeed, but when we remember to do what is necessary for ourselves to thrive first, then we all thrive. I would like to think that we are updating our definition of what a hero is. Not to diminish the miraculous acts of those who have given up everything for the survival of others, as they have been paramount to our evolutionary process, and we would not be here without them. We could not have laid the foundation needed for us to evolve and embrace the importance of honoring the self without them. Historically, the self has been disregarded, and a human life considered dispensable. We are evolving from outdated theories that taught separateness and individuation. There’s a reason why a solid foundation needs to be laid before building a sky-rise. It can either make or break the success of any structure. In order to build our own foundation and be strong and successful for the whole, we must be whole in ourselves, yet this is not what we are being taught. We have been led to believe that being full-of-self, or to put oneself first, is an act of selfishness, but selfishness is often needed in order to finally recognize our own self worth. Yet we spend most of our lives feeling lonely, and empty and without a sense of self. For those who believe there is a force that exists beyond their lonely existence, they may understand that our separateness is only an illusion that was fed to us so that we would not realize our own god-like force that connects us all as one.

Historically, we have mostly just survived. Our current conditions are perpetuating the fear that keeps us in survival mode, yet in order to evolve we must learn to thrive. How can we thrive if we can barely survive? I think it’s time we see a new version of heroes emerge. Heroes that have learned to be selfishly selfless. Heroes that empower through acts of self love. This is what creates a foundation so that others can thrive. This is what honors our growth as a humanity, for no one person should have to go without so that others can live. We are all meant to learn, and fulfill our purpose for the sake of creation itself, so that we can awaken what lies dormant within us and share it with the world. A hero without a complete sense of self, is a broken record trying to heal the wounds of others over and over again, as if someday this will eventually heal the wound they, themselves carry. In order to create the lasting change needed to thrive, we must all turn inward and listen to the warning call of our fears, so that the soft voice of our wounded hearts can be heard. Only when we pay witness to our wounded parts of self will we be able to decipher truth from fear, and allow ourselves to be transformed by it.

We can devote our lives to saving animals or the earth, or impoverished communities, but until we are able to be the change for ourselves and awaken our true sense of purpose, administering bandaids will not create the change that others truly need. Not saying it won’t help to start somewhere, for we all have a process that unravels to reveal our deepest journey, but great change only comes from profound inner work.

Never before have I witnessed a time when so many have risen to heroic measures. Not just speaking of those on the front lines, or those who have held their composure despite prosecution and bullying by the fearful or by those who seek to control, but those of us who have been squeezed and cut off from our usual routines and comforts. Forced to awaken and see things differently, and do things differently. Many who never stepped up before, who feared defending what they believed or risking their comfort for the sake of another. Those who endured this discomfort and are now learning to thrive there. Creating new communities where there were none. Those who maintained their sense of self and didn’t succumb to the pressures around them. Those who have allowed the chaos to reorient their compass, without losing their sense of direction. I admire those people, and I am excited to see the change that they have imparted onto our world. I am excited to see a new world emerge from those who have now changed in the face of fear, so that we can all embrace a new future. I am reassured by those who have gone before me and those who now stand with me, for every time one of us rises, others are bound to follow.