A Love Letter of Platonic Proportions

Another season has ended. It's been a while. Do you ever think of me? You're on my mind more often than I expected you would be. The way we left things so open ended yet with an unspoken closing of the door. The lock silently turned. No going back to what we used to know.

We're both different people now, I suppose. Looking back, I see how full of holes our lives were. Brought together as we both fell apart in different ways. Putting bandaids over each others wounds in hopes to keep the boat afloat. Never realizing the more we healed, the further we drifted. We never did quite learn how to open up and be honest, did we?

The Midwest winters remind me of you. The way you thrived in the wilderness like you were born into it. No fear of the cold or being blinded by the snow. You welcomed the unexpected, too afraid of those quiet nights alone to ever sit still long enough to hear yourself think. The biting wind brings me back to when I indulged your every idea in hopes I would forget my own demons that awaited me. The heated seats in your jeep bringing me back to life when I could never get warm and so desperately wanted to feel anything besides the pain that engulfed me. Did you ever feel the same? You never let on.

It was a thrilling time to be unafraid. Hiking a mountain at midnight to the sound of coyotes. Off-roading in random locations, getting stuck in mud holes. Watching the northern lights and eating Taco Bell while we hoped the world would melt away for a while. We consumed more alcohol than I care to remember. Falling asleep to Enya in the same twin sized bed but still feeling so alone. Inseparable physically as we helped each other continue through the days but mentally we were nowhere near each other. Though we each tried to connect in our own ways, there were too many walls to find our way to each other.

You were always so abrasive towards anyone I gave attention to. Perhaps because you were so afraid I'd lose interest. I always demanded so much more than I should have. Fighting tooth and nail to fill the hole inside me despite knowing nothing would work. You were my life raft in a dark and raging sea threatening to pull me under. I was your light in a pitch blackness that inched closer and closer to swallowing you. Separated we may not have made it through. But together we held on to each other with such desperation and determination that we managed to come out on the other side alive.

It's snowing again. How's the weather in Wisconsin? Do you miss Michigan? Do you miss me? I hope you're happy now. Surviving the battle you were fighting and coming out of it stronger than before. You were always a warrior. Tough and ready to get your hands dirty, always ready for what came next. Maybe we'll meet again some day. Maybe we'll both be happy and remember how we used to be. Maybe we'll both apologize. You for the way you acted. Me for the way I left you. Somehow I know the silence is better for us both.

We could have been great. A real dynamic duo. But we never learned to communicate the way we should have. We set ourselves up and locked eyes while we threw the final matches on the fire.

We may have burned up, but at least we burned bright.