A letter to my ex's mistress - Part 1

To the other woman,

Initially I wanted to find you and make you feel an eternity of pain for taking away the one person that meant everything to me, for destroying my world as I knew it and for ruining my future!

I wanted every part of your body to hurt and every aspect of your life to know the pain you had inflicted on mine.

I wanted to ask you why?!

Why with such lack of feeling or care in the world about another human being, a fellow woman who one day you would be in her shoes.....why did you take what was not yours? I had done nothing to you.....I didn't even know you existed!

Did you know he had a wife?

Did you know how long we had been together?

Of course you did, you worked with him. You almost came to our wedding as I remember writing your name down on the list of his guests to invite and then scribbling it off when he said you were not able to make it.

But then the more I spoke to my husband, initially so desperately trying to win him back from your grips, to make him see that he was making a big mistake throwing away the 11 years of love we had shared, all for the infatuation he had over you, to make him see that every couple has their blips and that I would do anything to change for him, do ANYTHING for him!

But the more he spoke of how sick my love made him feel, how you made him realise the life he led with me was false and being with me did not allow him to be who he wanted to be, how he felt he could confide in you, seeing how badly he wanted to protect you; I realised I had already lost the battle a long time ago!

I had your number. I knew where you lived but what was the point? It probably wasn't even your fault I thought. After all, it wasn't you who I married so why involve you in this conversation.

Why degrade myself to such ridicule, I had been raised far better than that.

I initially felt sorry for you because I knew one day you would go through the same trials and tribulations I went through as everyone does in a relationship.

I knew one day you would have to put up with the lies, the drinking/drugs, the late nights where he'd come home a mess, one day you'd become his second mother, as I had.

My heart bleed for you once because I thought you were the innocent party in this big mess, he had dragged you into his misery as I had once been dragged in.... to love and look after a boy who wasn't prepared to grow into a man.

But the more I knew....the more I realised you had just as much responsibility to walk away and do what was right. You had as much responsibility in this marriage ending as he had. Even though he holds the larger amount of accountability, you have your own to bear too.

You knew he was married, but you chose to listen to his pitiful lies of the 'pathetic or evil' woman he left at home.

You chose to seduce and entertain his sexual needs, you chose to love him, whatever your reasons were and no matter the situation, you made your choice.

However even though your actions might have had their initially hurtful and potentially soul destroying consequences; I am still here...........stronger and better than ever.

For the first time in my life I feel free.

My anguish over the transgressions committed has turned to gratitude.

I no longer have to put up with a one-sided love, subconsciously knowing that love was only partially returned.

I no longer have to compromise who I am to be the one who fitted his imagination of the perfect woman.

I no longer have to put up with the racial ignorance and racially degrading comments from his family and friends or put up with the narcissistic behaviours of some of his friends and family.

I no longer have to feel like a replacement for his mother and above all, I no longer have to feel like I cannot be myself.

I forgive you and Thank you for taking away what caged me because of my loyalty and morals.

Thank you for helping me see that my marriage was not one of the loving kind but would have eventually ended whether you had come along or not.

Thank you for giving me the chance to live my life again because I would have never had the strength to walk away on my own accord.

So now he is yours.

But beware, the shoes you so badly wanted to fit into, they can weigh you down! I just hope you know what you are doing.

So I now rephrase my initial comment of hate, if I should ever get to meet you in person, I would like to say, Thank you for helping me end my marriage and letting me see that I was worth more!

Imaged sourced from: https://thoughtcatalog.com