A Graceful Exit

There is truly no way to exit a relationship gracefully. Someone says goodbye and someone says no and it is done. There is always pain, there is always hurt. After years of trying, how long is one expected to hold on to a dream that will never be? How long do you strive towards a common goal that clearly will never be reached? Seeing minor changes in a relationship, when major changes are required, can sooner or later be seen as no change at all. Granted, I have always believed it takes two to make it and two to break it but when one is doing all the work, it seems senseless to keep working on something that just no longer benefits either one.

I have found a truth, that love is not all that is needed to sustain any relationship. It takes more than saying the words I love you or making promises that never come to fruition. It takes much more than words. It is more than trying or working on it, it is DOING. When one sacrifices and the other does not, it is one sided. Years of “work” with no accomplishment isn’t really work at all. One day slides into another, which slides into another and nothing changes. Being on the receiving end of that waiting is a heavy burden. It is an unfair weight for that person to carry. Eventually, the weight is too much to carry any longer and you need to let the weight go.

He calls them ‘reasons’ she calls them ‘excuses’. She knows in her heart that it’s not that he can’t change, it’s that he really doesn’t want to. His life is comfortable the way it is, the way it has been for so long. Although he may say he wants to change his situation, she can see by his lack of actions, that he will not. A point comes when all it takes is one angry conversation between them to reach the tipping point. So she throws up her hands and screams “I QUIT!” From that point on her life is changed forever and it will never be the same.

He doesn’t fight hard enough and she doesn’t want to fight at all any longer. The words he speaks to her (via text, not in person) are the same words he says every time he feels he will lose her for good this time. She may read them but at this point, because she has heard them so often, they mean very little. There is a sadness that overcomes her as she realizes how much time and effort she has put into the years with him, time that is now lost and she will never get back. She feels foolish for letting it go on like this for so long. She did love him, with her whole heart but a part of her never really felt like anything more than an option to him.

There’s a big difference between being in love and being in love with the idea of being in love. She believes that while she was madly, deeply in love with him, he just loved the idea of being loved. It’s hard to go from where they were to what is now. Hard to forget the dreams and wishes that were shared. More difficult to dismiss the stolen moments of passion they had together. They say time heals all wounds. I myself do not believe that. I think time just makes them less painful to think upon. In time, it will feel easier but some feelings will always remain.

Lessons are to be learned from any relationship that is no longer. Take what you learn and don’t make the same mistakes. Make the changes that NEED to be made. To your life and yourself. Become better because of it. Prove to yourself that change is what you CAN and WILL do. Give your heart time to heal and who knows what tomorrow may bring. It may hurt now but that pain will not last forever. A new journey has now begun for both and should their paths cross again, maybe next time will be different. It all depends on one little word...change.

My Love Always, G.