A Girl and Her Dog

Pre-pandemic it seemed I was non-stop busy. I'm a mom of two adult children who I spend time with, I help care for and handle the finances of my aging parents, I have my dog Rosie, who requires treats and pets and walks.

I also owned a small urban winery. If you've ever had your own business, you know how much work it is and how many tireless hours are spent there. A winery involves a bit more than other retail stores. There is a great deal of government paperwork, countless donations, endless cleaning. There was also continuous marketing, which I did myself including, creating and running the website, advertising, and all social media. And let's not forget about the wine! The making, babying, bottling, corking and labeling. I also created and printed all the labels. So, as you can see, my free time was limited. I hosted many events at the winery, live music, karaoke, paint nights, open mic - those events were pretty much my social life. That and my weekly trivia night outings.

Such was life. Not much time for anything else, let alone a love life. However, before COVID-19 hit I felt I was missing something. I, like so many others, yearned for my person, that significant other, a soul mate...I looked. I tried. I online dated. Alas, nothing ever stuck. Thankfully so in some cases.

Then came the pandemic. I tried to keep the winery afloat. I tried gimmicks, such as funny Covid wine labels, I donated a percentage of wine to organizations helping front line workers, I made one-of-a-kind flavors to interest the masses. Without events though, the business couldn't survive. I shut down November 2020.

So, without a social life, detaching from a sick world to stay healthy, and my daughter eventually moving out all during this pandemic, it became just Rosie and me. I did see two people during COVID: my sister, and my best friend. We were careful, distanced, but still, gathering was sporadic.

During my seclusion I started delivering groceries to make some money. I also found a part-time job writing trivia, which I LOVE! I learned the time in between work and sleep wasn't so bad. I began painting, I did puzzles, I played on my phone (way too much), I read more, and I spent a lot of time with Rosie. She and I went on neighborhood adventures, road trips, curled up on the couch with Netflix, played, ate, slept...

I've always felt a certain independence being a self-sufficient single female business owner, but now I feel completely autonomous. By that I mean I am okay with it simply being Rosie and me. I no longer have the sensation I'm missing anything in my life. I tried to date a couple times after the world opened back up and decided, meh, not for me. At least not right now.

The pandemic taught me that it is not only tolerable to be alone, but it can also be extremely cathartic. I learned a lot about myself, such as, I don't want to own another brick-and-mortar business. I quite enjoy working from home, doing something I love, and not being overworked. The freedom of working from home also allows me to travel more, which I love. My sister and I (and our dogs, Rosie and Rainy, who are rescues and sisters) took off for a 5-week motorhome trip last winter and I want more. I want to continue writing, making jewelry and painting. Those arts are incredibly Zen and therapeutic for me. I want more adventure in my life. I actually went zip-lining, something I never thought I'd do, and it was fun and invigorating. I want to experience that excitement more often.

So, right now I am learning, growing, and reinventing - solo.

Maybe one day I will change my mind. I mean, I do get lonely occasionally, but I have family, friends, Rosie, and Netflix to help me through. The idea of growing old with someone has its merits. I don't like the idea of getting old and possibly dying alone, but if I'm single at that time in my life I'm hoping my children won't let it happen. I'm content now, but maybe someday I will again long for a warm body by my side. For now, it's just a girl and her dog, and I like it this way.