A Drug Addict Saved My Life

Joe knew how the old me liked to “get it in”. This changed version of me was a fragile and sensitive remnant of who I once was. After all my medical issues, I simply could not take his stroke and immediately thought abstinence was the right choice for me. Pain caused everything to shut down. My first sexual encounter post-op closely matched the story Fred told me about our lack of activity spanning nearly two years. I was a born-again virgin, and Joe’s enthusiasm was more than I could bear.

For nearly a decade, I teetered back and forth between Fred and Joe. When I wasn’t seeing one, I was seeing the other. With no overlap, but it got close at times. Both were older men, not the type of man I had previously dated. Surprisingly, neither appeared more mature than some of the younger guys I’d known. But they knew who they were which was refreshing. Unfortunately, that self-assurance left them set in their ways.

Inflexibility led me to dismiss both men for a time. Something within me that remains drawn to the past kept me repeating mistakes, wishing for a different outcome. We went through many cycles of coupling up and breaking up. So, I was always left disappointed in the men, myself and Mr. Right for not being around.

For a time, I didn’t communicate with either man and decided to give someone else a chance. My sister Nina introduced me to someone whose personality was extremely similar to mine. Turns out our birthdays were the same and our interests, mannerisms and even our birthmarks matched.

Needless to say, I didn’t want to date a male version of myself. I ended up right back with Fred. This time was different because no labels were attached and therefore no expectations other than those of friendship were required.

Fred agreed because he loved me. He wanted to spend time together and wanted to show he appreciated having me in his life, but he resented me for demanding boyfriend type behavior without the commitment. I accepted gifts and we went on dinner dates, concerts and other outings. I relied on his beautiful technical mind for home improvement matters, computer issues and just about anything I couldn’t figure out on my own.

The one thing he wanted from me, I couldn’t give. My whole heart. It turned him bitter.

Fred was still there for me when I needed him. When he registered my name as a star to immortalize me, he made an announcement urging everyone in my hospital room to listen. He made the room uneasy. Apparently, the consensus was that this man was about to propose in front of my father, sisters, five children, ex husband, cousins, friends, hospital staff and Joe.

But he didn’t because we weren’t going to be more than we were before I got sick. Stuff like that is what led me to believe we were a couple. Due to my memory loss, I was left confused by the nature of our relationship. I thought Fred was my man and that’s why he did so much for me. Fred made a choice to be my acting boyfriend without the label and without my full understanding.

After the discussion about his dating adventures while I was comatose, things shifted with Fred. I had to convince myself that I was just confused about what I thought I knew. I had to force myself to be understanding. I had been in a coma, I had been on the verge of dying more than once, and I had rejected this man’s advances prior to becoming sick. Whether I remembered or not, I was unattached and free to be with another if I so chose.

Joe patiently observed and waited. Visiting me in the hospital a few times a week, oftentimes contacting my ex husband to see if our kids needed a ride or anything else before he arrived? He brought me the seek and search puzzle books I love to help me pass the time once I was able to hold a pen again. He remained consistent, kind, helpful and most of all-- friendly.

There was no pressure, no big announcements made in front of 20 people causing them to believe he’d be my children’s new step daddy. There was no tension or resentment for not making him my one and only. Joe was simply a good person, and I was glad to have him in my life.

It was important for Joe to bring in the New Year with me. He ran a few red lights to make it to my bedside to bring in 2020. Feeling grateful to see another year, I was happy to do so in good company. It was a far cry from the festivities in the exclusive Pyramid Room with Fred, but it was exactly what I needed when I needed it most.

Things didn’t work out between Joe and I in the past because I didn’t feel as if we were progressing. We weren’t making plans for the future and we kept rehashing the same issues. I didn’t feel as if Joe valued my level of uniqueness. I knew I was different from women he’d dated in his past, but maybe in this case different wasn’t necessarily better?

What I hadn’t realized was that Joe was silently making plans. For years he had hoped for one more chance. And if given the opportunity he would get things right this time.

Joe was prepared to show me a side of himself I hadn’t previously known.