A couple of things I learned

My divorce was expected and very unsurprising. I was hurt, and even though it was what we both wanted it didn’t mean we didn’t feel anything. There were moments I couldn’t believe it was happening. Others where I felt completely and unconditionally free. Moments where I realized why the relationship fell apart, but mostly I had to take a moment to relearn myself and life.

You are a person, outside of being a wife (or now ex-wife)

It was really hard for me to get over the feeling of my ring not being on my finger anymore. I could feel the phantom weight on my finger and I would look down and hope it hadn’t gone anywhere. There were moments I would panic and think I lost it. It was the symbolic item that showed I belonged to someone, and they belonged to me. Only now it was gone. I was back to being alone. I was no longer a wife, I was an ex-wife. I would look at our engagement photos and wonder what happened to those people. I was sad it was over, but relieved we didn’t have to pretend anymore. We hadn’t been together long when we found out I was pregnant, and we really tried to make it all work. However, we tried and for that, I am grateful we were able to get me through nursing school and have this beautiful baby.

It’s okay to be sad and happy

Yes, it’s normal to be sad that a relationship is over. My relationship with my ex-husband was not great. In fact, we made no sense. Yet, I was still sad, I was going to miss the few small nice parts we had. Like the long drives we would do, and the fact he knew that I loved gummy worms from 7-11 the best. And that is okay, it was okay. However, the nagging feeling that I didn’t want to be married to him and was happy it was over finally also took over. We fought more than we communicated, and we weren’t well paired in general. I would feel like a failure like I didn’t try hard enough to make it work. But it wasn’t going to work, that was obvious, no matter how hard I tried to be the person he wanted me to be instead of who I was.

It’s okay the marriage didn’t work

Just because the marriage didn’t work, doesn’t mean you’re broken. For me, I was too young to be married. I had no idea how the real world worked and I was trying to enter it as someone’s partner. I was in no way, shape, or form responsible for that part of my life let alone someone else’s life. My ex-husband wasn’t a bad guy, he just was a part of a whole that I wasn’t also a part of. I grew so much from having to leave my partnership and be by myself and learn how to live, on my own terms.

Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you can’t try again

I was worried about what dating was going to look like. I was going to be a divorced woman, with a small child. I had little dating experience in the real world, and now I had to date as a single mom. I knew where I had my hang-ups and I knew where I lacked. Yet, I also knew what I was looking for now. I knew what I would want from a relationship, and I knew the terms I would accept and what I wouldn’t.

This information and learning about myself took going through a divorce to learn. I am stronger and more aware of myself because of it. While I am still working through a lot of what it means to be a person in the world, I have never been so excited for new possibilities. And it turns out, my ex-husband and I, are a lot better at being co-parents than we ever were as husband and wife.