A Broken Heart

My heart is big and some things have broken it. The chains that were attached to my heart have been broken. It’s not a good thing because that bond I had for my first two children has been taken and cut in half. I used to beat myself up over it every single day about it’s my fault that he threw me out in front of my babies. How he took my babies from me when I was the only one they were close with and attached to. How he listens to his mom on everything. My motherhood was questioned. I’m not a bad mom and I’m a great wife. My husband has told me so himself. My husband has told me that my heart is so big that in a previous relationship that he took advantage of me and used me. That my ex knew the right time to throw me out and to take me to court. He had cops on his side when the children were supposed to be with their moms. He took me away from my friends and families. I had no one. It hurts that I get those memory notification pictures of my kids. I have to keep looking at them because I miss them and I love them so much. Will I ever feel better? Will I ever stop crying? How can I move forward when my ex tells me I’m a bad mother? I’m just the possessory nothing more. I don’t have any percentage of the children. They are going to hate me and it won’t make it any better and I pray every day that when they get older is that they get to have the chance to get to have me in their lives. I pray for the future and I pray for my painful broken heart with broken chains to be reattached. I will try to move forward and not allow people to turn me into a spiteful person because that’s not who I am. I’m sorry I keep talking about it but I just want my voice to be heard. I want to stop hurting so much. I know I have a new family now and a husband but it doesn’t change the fact I have children out there that do need a mother. No one has given me a chance to hear me out. They always silence me and I have grown tired of that. I’ve grown tired of being used and abused. I’m tired of being silent. How do you move on from all that hurt? I don’t understand what am I scared of? I mean I’m not slandering my children’s father's name. His name isn’t on here. But apparently, I’m the one hurting the children. I used to have so much hate but I don’t know anymore. I used to want to turn back time but then I wouldn’t have my current son and husband. I wouldn’t have a beautiful big home and my car. I have 3 beautiful male dogs and two kittens. Dog number one is a pit-boxer, Dog number two is a pit terrier and Dog number three is a German shepherd. Very beautiful male dogs. Two of them came from an abused home and we saved them from that. One I found when he was a baby four weeks old. The kittens we saved as well. I am very happy with what I have because I didn’t have it before. I didn’t even know how to completely drive. My husband taught me and I learned at age 24. Crazy right? I learned a lot from my husband and I’m currently interested In going to college which my husband is super supportive of. I’m getting to become something in life that I didn’t get to do before. I understand this isn’t worth losing and isn’t worth staying in pain for. Guys, I am writing what is on my mind.