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5 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

Has it been a year since you last had a relationship?

By Nadiya KovtunPublished about a year ago 6 min read
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by Elizaveta Rukhtina on Pexels

Has it been a year since you last had a relationship? When was the last time you asked someone out on a date?

You meet so many people at bars and clubs yet none of them seem to be interested in you. You constantly swipe left or right on a dating app and none of your matches turn out to be meaningful connections.

You do your best to put yourself out there but still end up single. You start to feel frustrated and wonder:

“What is it that I’m doing wrong?”

Whether you think you’re trying too hard or not trying at all, you might be guilty of a few traits and behaviors that are affecting your chances of getting into a relationship with someone.

As such, here are a few things to consider:

You’re waiting for the “right person”

If you’re a romantic, you might think that waiting for the right person to come along is worth the wait. You’ve seen the movies, read the books, heard the happily ever after.

But the harsh reality is, soulmates don't exist.

Yes, relationships feel great when you share them with someone you love, and the more you think about it, the harder you try to find who that someone is.

There's no problem with that kind of thinking. In fact, a lot of people think the same way.

There is definitely someone out there who closely feels like the perfect match for you, but you might forget that you are already complete as a person. Some people tend to think that finding the “right one” is what will make them more fulfilled in a relationship, that it will “complete” them.

Instead of focusing your attention on finding the right person and fantasizing about what life would be like with them, focus on yourself and your life journey.

Whoever is meant to be in your life will find their way to you.

You intimidate others

Maybe your facial expressions tend to intimidate people. According to experts, it takes a quick glance, three seconds at most, for someone to judge you during the first meeting. This short time allows people to form an opinion of you based on your appearance, body language, mannerisms, and how you dress.

That’s why it’s important to make a good impression when you meet someone for the first time. Whether it’s for a job interview, a first date, or even just having brunch with family or friends, it’s a good idea to take care of your physical appearance.

Then if it’s not about your appearance, it could also be the way you carry yourself. Do you have polite table manners or do you slurp your soup and chew with your mouth open?

What conversation topics do you talk about on a first date? Do you try to make your date comfortable or do you just straightforwardly ask the person what they’re going to bring to the relationship if it gets serious?

If some of these questions resonate with you, then chances are, you might have chased away some potential love interests.

Issues from past relationships

by Kira Schwarz on Pexels

According to relationship experts, the older you get, the more relationship baggage you carry with you. You may swear you’ve moved on from your previous relationships, but you need to be honest with yourself.

Are you really over your ex-partner? Or are you still holding on to their belongings and hoping they’ll call you back?

If you find yourself in this type of situation, maybe you need to ask yourself if you are truly ready to be in a relationship. Because while it may not be obvious to you, it can be obvious to others - especially those with whom you’ve gone on dates or are trying to date. They can see it through your speech, actions, and body language.

You may need more time to heal from past relationships before you’re ready to get into a new one. There’s no shame in this and many people who mend themselves after a relationship breakup often come out better than before.

High standards

Being nitpicky could be the main culprit as to why you’re still single after a long time. You might believe settling for anything less than amazing is not a good idea. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you have to remember that no one is perfect.

There’s a fine line between being nitpicky and being selective about your partner. Being nitpicky could just be you trying to fulfill unrealistic expectations. Like how you might reject a potential partner because you don’t like how they sneeze, or you find their accent strange.

Being selective, on the other hand, means you judge potential love interests based on their chemistry with you and how compatible they are as a partner. They have their own quirks that might seem strange to you, but you don’t worry about it too much.

If you have your own criteria when looking for a potential partner, that’s great, but don’t be too nitpicky or you might find yourself losing out on a good potential relationship.

You're just not into having a relationship

Plenty of single people, old and young, often talk themselves into thinking they need a relationship. Or it could be because they are pressured by family and friends to get into a relationship before “it’s too late.”

You have to be honest with yourself. What is your purpose in getting into a relationship? Is it something you’re ready for long-term?

By gaining a bit of clarity about yourself and how you feel about getting into a relationship, you’re more likely to find success in pursuing love rather than just winging it.

How can you tell if you’re ready for a relationship?

by Maxim Klemedinov on Pexels

While we’re never really sure when we’re ready for a relationship, we can at least reflect on a few things before we consider taking the next step. The following scenarios might help:

  • You’ve healed from personal issues from past relationships
  • You see a relationship as a want, rather than a need
  • You’ve reclaimed your independence as an individual
  • You no longer talk about your previous partner/s all the time
  • You no longer feel compelled to learn everything about the person on the first date
  • And here are some of the signs you may not be ready for a relationship just yet:
  • You see relationships as a way to distract yourself from certain problems in your life
  • You get emotionally attached too quickly
  • You feel pressured by family and friends to get into a relationship
  • You’re looking for someone to complete you
  • You’re willing to change everything about yourself

Now that you have a few ideas as to why you are still single, maybe it’s time to take a look at your past experiences and relationship attempts. Again, it could be you’re trying too hard or not trying at all, or you are simply doing it with the wrong person.

You also need to take a look at your timing. Just because you think you’re ready for a relationship doesn’t mean you should get into one right away. There are indeed a lot of other factors to consider, which is why it’s important to self-reflect from time to time.

Determine what it is you’re looking for, if you’re ready for it, and what you’re willing to do to achieve it. When you start with yourself, you have less to worry about afterward.

Nadiya Kovtun, Professional Matchmaker and Dating Consultant for 1st Choice Dating

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About the Creator

Nadiya Kovtun

Professional Matchmaker and Dating Consultant for 1st Choice Dating

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