5 Marriage Tips You Need to Know

Very few people know what to do when it comes to marriage.

I was such a person.

I mean, we all have an idea of ​​what marriage is. We have hopes, dreams, expectations about what our marriage will look like. We watch movies, idolize certain series and even analyze certain marriages around us in an attempt to have an understanding of what we call holy marriage. But we don't get to know what marriage is until after we get married, do we?

There are certain things about marriage that I had previously thought would be in the marriage, but there are a lot of other things that I never even imagined. And even today there are still a lot of things I learn. But as a counselor and, more importantly - as a wife, the last ten years of my marriage have taught me ten important things that I didn't understand so well before.

1. Marriage is much more intimate than sex.

I think one of the first things that unmarried people think about when it comes to marriage is sex. In the society we live in, sex is portrayed as a sign of intimacy in a relationship.

Although sexual intercourse has an extraordinarily high value and intimacy, a good marriage relationship makes sexual intercourse good, not the other way around.

Before marriage, I don't think I understood the true intimacy that comes with dedication to this one person for the rest of my life. In marriage, there is the wonderful opportunity to allow the other to look inside your life, mind, heart, and soul. Well, this is true privacy!

2. Marriage reveals selfishness, but it can cultivate a lack of selfishness.

I knew I had the "gift" of being a selfish person, but I didn't know that I was selfish until I turned… well, about six months after I got married (probably even after about six hours, but I am generous).

From the most mundane things, such as where to eat or who to use the remote control, to the most significant things, such as apologizing and putting my husband's needs before my wishes - you begin to learn that the real lack of selfishness is something that must be lived practically.

This is a difficult lesson that has burdened my spiritual life more than anything else - and through it, my mind has been refreshed with the thought that God, in a completely unselfish way, has given everything for me. I am learning to be more like Him through this part of my marriage.

3. Unity means… one.

We all think about the spiritual and physical benefits of unity, but we think in terms as follows: a house, a bed, a bathroom, a mirror above the bathroom sink, a bank account, a common budget. In marriage, you will relearn the kindergarten lesson of sharing, but you will learn it in a completely different way than you did in kindergarten.

You will learn to give up the mentality "mine, yours" because in marriage everything is "ours". This is hard, but there is something very beautiful about it. It is a reminder that at the end of the day what is mine is my life partner's and, more than that, everything we have is God's.

4. At some point you will know the disappointment.

Yes, I know, this is a harsh reality. I'm not sure why I didn't expect such moments to come in family life. I am fully aware that my husband is also a human being. But for some reason, I didn't pay attention to this truth I didn't think about it at all.

My husband and I loved and loved each other, but we also hurt each other deeply. When you allow someone to pour their heart into your heart, there is no doubt that one day you will feel the pain.

This will come either in the form of unpleasant words, or in the form of thoughtless action, or a selfish moment - in all these situations your marriage will be hit. But by the grace of God, every wound paves the way for grace, forgiveness, and restoration. Every wound is a reminder of our need to love better and deeper.

5. Whether you like it or not, you will learn the meaning of forgiveness.

With the certainty that there will be times when you will be hurt, comes the reality that you will need to learn to forgive - and sometimes pride can get in our way and prevent us from learning the lesson of forgiveness.

But the most important lesson of forgiveness that we can learn is that true forgiveness does not come because the person in front of us deserves to be forgiven, but rather comes from a heart that understands how much she was forgiven, too, though she did not deserve forgiveness.