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33 Lies, Excuses And Completely Logical Reasons She Dumped You

Stop guessing the reason she broke your heart.

By Ellen "Jelly" McRaePublished 2 years ago 12 min read
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But why are we like this? | Image created on Canva

You can't break up with someone without telling them something. Unless you're a complete a**hole, that is. 

It's wrong to let the person you've been dating leave the relationship scratching their head. 

You've had a connection with them, after all, and it's impolite, if not reasonable, to explain why you're ending the union.

But despite how right it is to do, it doesn't mean people don't lie. 

As a female, I've told the guy I've broken up with whatever he wants to hear to make the situation easier. 

To make it easier for him. To make it easier for me.

You could say this sounds selfish. In many ways it is. Yet, when we're breaking up with someone, our self-interest is always number one. 

If it wasn't, we wouldn't break up with the person in the first place. We would suffer in the relationship until they decided to have the necessary yet unpleasant break-up conversation.

Lying is intrinsically human, too. We can't behave the way we're not.

I'm aware, though, that the lie doesn't help you when a girl says her final goodbye. It's as bad as leaving with no reason at all.

Here are all reasons why a girl like me dumped you.

1. You were bad - awful/horrible/horrendous -  in bed

Each to their own but some people are going to think you're wonderful in bed, others think you will suck. 

For some women, whatever the reasoning, you aren't hitting the spot in between the sheets. I'm a woman who can't maintain a relationship that isn't sexually compatible. 

To me, sex and intimacy are what elevate friends to lovers. 

Without physical loving, it's just sex.

2. You + them = Zero chemistry in the sack

It's not that you're bad, it's not that she was bad, it was that you didn't work together. 

That happens, but often one person knows it and the other doesn't. Again, it's a matter of opinion, but most people don't want to say this excuse. 

It's a touchy subject. 

Excuse the pun.

3. The equipment in your jeans is small

Most women will judge your equipment before having sex with you. 

You do the same; you judge their breasts, their hips, and their vagina. But you reserve judgement until you sleep with them and see how it all 'works' in the bedroom. 

Women do the same, and if they deem you too small, it means your equipment doesn't do it for them. 

The exact size doesn't matter by the way. Everyone has their own version of what the right size is.

4. It was your intimidating sex life…

Yes, it's possible to intimidate a woman in the sack. 

And if they feel like your experience is too much, like you have too many moves, it feels like you can't keep up with your past. 

Women don't want to think they're sharing the bedroom with other women. They also don't want impossible standards of sex from people who've pleased you in the past.

5. …And you wouldn't shut up about it either

Sharing your past with each other helps build an honest relationship. 

It's pretty easy when you have nothing to hide, too. But there is a limit any person can take. And a woman won't fear breaking up with you if your former sex life keeps coming up. 

Especially if you fail to talk about your current sex life at all.

6. Inadequate sex frequency 

Most people think people break up because you don't have sex enough. 

It's a cliche of marriage; the couple stopped having sex so the relationship ended. 

But it's possible you're having too much sex, where the woman feels uncomfortable. Perhaps it's the frequency. You're too hot and then you're too cold. 

Your sex life isn't just unpredictable, it's erratic.

7. Family first 

A woman wants to feel prioritised. 

They love that you care about your family. But they don't want to feel like they need to compete with your family for your attention and affection. 

It shouldn't be a competition, and to you, it probably isn't. 

Yet, when you constantly prioritise established relationships over growing a romance, a woman knows this is how she will spend her entire life. 

Second.

8. Friends first 

The same goes for your friends. It's wonderful that you have friends you're passionate about and have a healthy social life with. 

Once again, a woman doesn't want to feel like they need to be more exciting and entertaining than friends to hold your attention. 

They want to be your friend and share in the affection you have for them, too.

9. The bottom line came first 

You spend long nights at the office. 

You put business meetings and obligations ahead of dates, celebrations and general life. 

It's not that a woman isn't supportive of your career. But if she's feeling neglected, she will move on to someone who doesn't make her feel second.

10. Warring loved ones

You can't have a relationship when you can't intermingle your friends and family. Where you fear fights, arguments and a war of words. 

There is only so much time before this situation becomes unbearable, and no amount of love can fix the fact you can't combine lives.

Some women won't tell you this, by the way. 

Especially if it's the way they don't get along with your side. It feels like a failure considering how hard we tried to push through the awkwardness.

11. Lingering exes

This reason shouldn't come as a surprise to you. 

If your ex remains in your life, you know when your woman feels uncomfortable with it. She will communicate how the situation makes her feel and try to come to some sort of compromise. 

Or an ultimatum, should the disputation become dire. And reckless.

Despite any preconceived notions, we don't irrationally dump you because your ex is around. We know that doesn't help the situation, especially if we care about you. 

If you feel like a woman has done that to you, it's more than likely she's tried to talk about it first. 

And failed.

12. Ex on the brain 

Your ex might not be around, but spiritually, and emotionally, they still have control over you. And your partner knows it and isn't putting up with it anymore. 

They know whilst you're together and still pining over your ex, there is no future for you.

13. The most annoying habits 

I'm sure there are things about your partner that annoy the hell out of you. 

It can be the smallest of issues, or the most annoying thing anyone has ever done. Some women have deal breakers, and when the annoying habits add up, they don't want to be with you anymore. 

They know the things they find annoying don't get better over time.

14. Same page problems 

She wants marriage, you don't. 

She doesn't want kids, you do. 

At some point, you can get on the same page and that means the relationship is at a stalemate. You should see this inevitable split coming. 

The writing is on the wall, after all.

15. Settling down problems 

This is a contentious reason to break up with someone. 

What it means to settle down means something different to everyone.

Women don't expect marriage and kids to be the ultimate definition of settling down. 

It's more about being reliable and dependable, rather than having to constantly worry you haven't grown into your age yet.

16. Where was your commitment? 

They've waited for you to make a significant commitment to them and you haven't. 

Again, it doesn't mean marriage. 

Yet, we do need to know through some sort of gesture that you're in it for the long haul. When you can't do that, and it's what we want, we move on.

17. You're allergic to moving out of home

This happened to me and I became tired of my nearly thirty-year-old boyfriend still living at home despite his well-paying job. 

Even when he moved out of home, he continued to bring his washing home to his mother. Relying on your parents well into adulthood isn't sexy.

18. Lightning speed on the relationship 

You put too much pressure on your woman to be intimate, committed or be a part of your life before they were ready. 

Or perhaps you got on one knee after a month together, thinking the grand gesture was what she wanted. 

Don't succumb to Hollywood romances that make you think girls want this type of wooing. 

They don't.

19. Controlling, controlling, controlling 

When you're used to getting your way in other parts of your life, it creeps into your relationship. 

You expect your partner to do what other people do. This might not be pure subservient behaviour. It could be anything from controlling the remote control to when it's time to have sex, or not. 

If you have the last say on everything, you're not a team. It's another thing a woman can't guarantee will get better with time.

20. Can you make a decision? No. 

You don't know what you want and that bothers a person who does. 

It's a fundamental opposite of values, and a woman can become impatient waiting for you to make up your mind. 

Especially if you're indecisive about your future with her.

21. Trusting you is a problem

Women don't immediately assume they can't trust you. But if they catch you in a lie, they will wonder how often you've lied before. 

Once you've broken their trust, you can't expect a woman to stick around. 

They will tell you they can't trust you, by the way, yet it's often misinterpreted as something they want to work on, not a reason to break up. 

When trust becomes an issue, you're going to need a miracle to save the relationship.

22. How's that judgement of yours? 

You judge what they wear. You admonish their choice of tv shows. You analyse how many drinks they had on a night out. 

It feels impossible to please you, and with this constant feeling of attack, they aren't sticking around. 

Your friends might be able to help you with this one. If you're judgemental with a partner, you're more than likely judgemental with them too.

23. Did you ask her thoughts when you made that last decision? 

My ex booked an overseas family trip over Christmas without asking me. Or telling me. I had to hear it from a friend. 

When I caught him out, he told me the dates like it was no big deal. We were living together at the time, too. 

No surprise we didn't last much longer after that. He didn't see us as a team, and that wasn't something I could live with.

24. Have you done any sacrificing lately?

You insist they come and sleep at your house every time. 

You don't pack a bag, stay with them, or put yourself out for the sake it's helpful to them. 

Sacrifices are a small way we can show we care. 

Women don't expect you to sacrifice everything, but they expect a shared level of 'give and take' to make the relationship work.

25. Hello, doormat

And when a woman brings up any of these issues, you preverbally crawl up her ass to make it right. 

You do everything they say without having a mind or opinion of your own. 

Again, it's about teamwork.

 A woman doesn't want to feel like they're a parent to a child. Or the master to a servant. And it's not sexy, either.

26. Where is the romantic effort?

The boring old routine. 

They are bringing all the romance to the table, and you're not.

 It's easy to spot if this is your situation, by the way. All you need to do is think back to all the times you were romantic with them. 

When was the last time you went out of your way to do something to show you care, that broke routine? 

If you can't answer that, you might have your reason why you're now single.

27. The fighting won't stop

If you can't end an argument, eventually the argument will end the relationship for you. 

One argument can't end it all by the way, unless it's a real doozy.

28. Communication over

For all her trying, she has tried to talk to you about her feelings and what could be better between you. But for all her trying, the communication that was once there is no longer.

It might be that your relationship could never reach a stage where you could open up to each either. 

We expect our levels of communication to grow and strengthen over time. If it doesn't, if the superficial connection never deepens, it's hard to grow a relationship.

If it's the same depth you have with your friends, don't expect a woman to stay. 

If she wanted another friend, she wouldn't date you.

29. No friendship? No love. 

On the subject of friends, you don't share any common interests that keep your connection alive. 

For many, this is due to a change in interests. You once hated sports and now you love them. 

Your partner doesn't feel like they connect with you anymore.

30. Where are you when she needs you?!

This isn't about being at a woman's beck and call. 

Yet, your woman needs to feel as if you're going to be there when she needs you. 

From holding her hand whilst she faces bad news to sitting on the couch with her when the period pain takes over, she doesn't want an absentee partner.

31. S**t got too hard

You cheated, they cheated, something awful happens and your relationship doesn't recover. 

Sometimes it's not an event either one of you did, either. Grief has a powerful effect on people too. 

Sometimes admitting this is difficult, especially when you're both going through it.

32. Goodbye to love… 

For the lucky few who hear this straight from the woman's mouth, you know you can't change this. 

When the love runs out, that's it. 

It's not that you've done something wrong, but it's not like you've done something right either. 

It sucks if you still love them.

33. … Or the love was never there. 

And this one sucks the most. 

In the same way, you may never love them, she never loved you. Sometimes it hurts being on the other side of this reality. 

But women fall out of love as quickly as they fall into it. The same way you do, too. 

Can't pick which one it is?

Here's the hardest part. 

You have almost every reason I can think of why someone would dump you. Though I'm sure there are more, by the way. But that doesn't mean you know which one it is.

It could be one thing on this list, it could be all of them. Issues add up into one gigantic deal breaker, and it becomes too much for your partner to continue with.

I'm sorry to say, but I can't tell you if it's one or many things, either.

Somewhere in your broken relationship, a clue will live. You simply have to find it.

You're going to have to dig deep into your self-reflection skills, and possibly mine your loved ones for their observations, to find out why.

And never doing it again? I hear you ask. Well, that's the next problem. What someone hates about you, another person will love.

Complicated, huh?! 

In short, the only way to avoid someone breaking up with you again is to never date. You can't get hurt if you don't put yourself out there, right?

To me, that's not what I call living, though. And I'm sure you agree.

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About the Creator

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

I’m here to use my wins and losses in #relationships as your cautionary tale | Writes 1LD; Cautionary tale #romance fiction | http://www.ellenjellymcrae.com/

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