3 Benefits of Being Single

There's a stigma in our society around being single, as if one is incomplete without a partner. It's often met with a kind of sympathy that suggests there's something terribly wrong with it, and subconsciously we buy into that belief. We find it difficult to appreciate our aloneness, and spend a great deal of time and energy searching for companionship, while at the same time feeling as if we're inadequate without someone to balance us, to fulfill us, to compensate for all the things we feel we're lacking in ourselves. Sometimes we're willing to be with anyone rather than be alone. And so there's such a desperation about it that we don't always choose with discernment. It's like we're in a rush and there's no time to waste.

There's certainly something beautiful about being in a relationship when it's with the right person and when our intention is right, but we don't need to stress about finding someone. Being single is not a terrible thing, and it actually offers many benefits. So if you're currently single, I think this is something to be embraced and appreciated.

There was a recent psychological study that found that single people, on average, actually tend to lead a more fulfilling life than those in long term relationships. And this isn't meant to suggest that being single is better. But if we can understand the reasoning behind this finding, we can learn to apply it in our lives whether we're single or partnered.

What the study revealed is actually quite obvious when you think about it. When we're in a relationship we tend to compromise a great deal. After all, we're trying to live with another person. We grow accustom to making all of our decisions together, always considering what the other wants or is comfortable with. We're trying to merge our lives together in a way that creates balance and harmony. And no matter how similar we may be, we will always have our differences. There will always be moment when we're not in alignment. The question is, can we allow space for those differences? Can we still remain unique and independent while maintaining a partnership? And can we still find time to pursue our interests and passions, even if the other isn't interested?

It's certainly possible, but it can be extremely difficult if we're not paying close attention. It's all too easy to get so wrapped up in our partner, in taking care of their needs and trying to fulfill their expectations, while neglecting many of our own needs. We come to identify with the relationship so deeply that one day we step back and realize that we don't know who we are any more. Our identity has become so merged with the other person that it's hard to identify as an individual. And we've given up our individuality so gradually over time that we didn't even noticed until it was virtually gone.

1. Freedom to Pursue Your Passion

When you're single, you don't have to live up to someone else's expectations. You don't have to worry what anyone else might think, or whether you're giving enough time, energy and attention to someone else. You can focus that time and attention on the things you need to do for yourself. It's a lot easier to focus on your passion, your work, your projects, your schooling, your art, your goals and so on. Without the distraction of a partner, you can be completely absorbed in it without feeling that you might be neglecting someone. Because when we're in a relationship, the person we tend to neglect the most is ourselves.

And without someone to please or impress we can be much more authentic in the way we live. We can do things our way, on our time, at our own pace, without compromising for someone else. So take advantage of this time to focus on what needs to be done for you.

2. Space to Grow

Being single offers us the opportunity to grow in ways that require more space than a relationship would generally allow. We can use that time to really focus on areas of our life that we want to improve. We all have a number of qualities which may be underdeveloped, and now is the time to do the inner work.

And this doesn't mean shutting ourselves off from the rest of the world. We can still be fully engaged, and we still can remain open to the possibility of meeting someone, but without the sense of desperate need or expectation.

In fact, if we feel any sense of desperation, loneliness or insecurity, this is the best time to resolve those feelings, to let go of our attachment to needing a partner, and to find contentment in being alone.

When we imagine what our ideal partner might be like, often the qualities and attributes we give them are actually qualities we would like to see in ourselves. And this may be the very reason why we find those qualities so attractive, so valuable. So really we should be developing these qualities in ourselves, without trying to live vicariously through someone else.

This is an opportunity to become emotionally independent, to strengthen our best qualities, and to resolve our insecurities.

3. Emotional Independence

The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. And this becomes the basis for all other relationships. The way you see yourself, how you treat yourself, how you feel about yourself determines not only how you interact with others, but also how they interact with you.

The more we come to love ourselves, the more we're able to love others. And the more we respect ourselves, the less we allow others to mistreat us. When we're secure in ourselves, we don't feel desperate for others to validate us. And when we can find contentment in being alone, not only can we more easily walk away from others who don't respect and appreciate us, but when we do love someone we're able to love more deeply.

If you feel any resistance to being single, try to understand that resistance. Observe it. See what's it's rooted in. And then begin working toward resolving it. Every negative feeling has a positive counterpart, a quality which simply needs to be developed. So if, for example, you're feeling unhappy, then the quality you desire is happiness. So give your focus to developing that quality, independent of needing someone else to fulfill it for you. Discover your own happiness by doing things you enjoy, things which are emotionally fulfilling. Express your creativity. Share your passion. Explore your inspiration.

Conclusion:

When we're simply living in the present, expressing our passion and creativity, learning to be secure in ourselves, we suddenly become much more attractive to others. And when we're in that space, unattached to finding a partner, we're more relaxed and authentic when we do meet someone.

When we become more secure in ourselves, when we love ourselves deeply, and when come to appreciate the time and space we have to ourselves, the need for a partner doesn't feel so overwhelming. In fact, you might find you simply don't have much time for it, because you're enjoying life so much on your own. And when you do meet prospective partners you may be much more discerning and selective.

I find in my own life that as I love myself more fully, and as I find fulfillment in pursuing what inspires me, I have less interest in finding a partner. And it's not that I've closed myself off from meeting someone. But it takes a lot more to get my attention. I realize that my time and energy is valuable, and I don't want to waste that on anyone who doesn't truly appreciate and reciprocate it. And because I've learned to appreciate and enjoy my space, I'm not in a rush to bring someone else into it. I wanna take time to get to know people before I even think of getting romantically involved. And often times, I find that we just aren't aligned in enough ways for me to develop that level of interest.

So instead of chasing after someone, embrace being single. Embrace the time you have for yourself. Pursue your passion. Develop your talents, your gifts, your virtues. Don't look for someone else to fill the gaps. Fill your own gaps. Be the person you're searching for.