2 Things I Learnt About Men Ironing Shirts

You are an angel

My partner used to leave at 6 am to go to the office and come back after 830pm, 10 pm at times. It was no life. I did my bit to help. The same way as he makes me a cup of tea or a bowl of pasta when I am ill.

One time, I noticed something.

It was the weekend when his work got slightly less demanding, and he was about to iron his shirts. I put two small tops next to his on the bed.

He did not iron them, leaving the iron to me with ‘love you babe’.

Next time, I put them on the ironing board right next to the iron.

Again, excluded.

The time following, I sandwiched them between his shirts.

Nothing.

His defiance was slightly comical. It takes me less than 10 seconds to iron each top.

I asked him why.

His answer and subsequent conversation taught me a lot.

He said I didn’t ask him to.

It turned out my hints were not clear.

I noticed that women tend to do things for others. Many were raised that way. To clean up the table, wash the dishes and do the cooking or cleaning. Do so quietly so as not to cause discomfort or make other people uncomfortable.

Our whole existence is around caring for people but in a way that doesn’t make them feel guilty since we are responsible for other people’s emotions and actions, as well as our own.

This is not true for most men. They have to be asked to do something specifically even if it is self-evident.

In my view, there are two reasons: hero complex and laziness.

Men still want to be heroes. To get the satisfaction of a ‘thank you’, ‘you are amazing’ or any other kind of acknowledgement. Feel needed in a world where they are told we don’t need them. We do!!!

I’ve given up on this particular point. Ask and free up the mental space.

Laziness. I get this. I’m like that in some areas. Who wants to do stuff when, if you wait long enough, someone else will do it for you? Noone, that’s who.

Takeaway: Don’t expect stuff just to be done. You’ll end up with two creased tops.

He brought up the time when I had a go for destroying my tops in the wash

A few years before this incident, my partner washed some jumpers in the machine and changed the texture. Some cashmere jumpers before we had a separate ‘hand-wash’ laundry bin. Luckily I could still wear them, but I did have to ask him to check the labels before washing stuff. A whole new world.

He carried that one for a while.

He brought this incident up, saying he didn’t want to ruin my clothes. The ironed clothes did not come with instructions.

This was not a case of ‘mummy did everything’. My partner is a competent man who lived by himself before meeting me. I made sure he knew that I wasn’t buying it. I even went as far as to show him the label on the clothes, even though I knew that he had seen them before.

Takeaway: Any excuse will be used. Don’t buy it unless its a good one.

Two people should look after each other in a relationship. Otherwise, what’s the point?

However if you want something don't be afraid to ask. it’s possible the other person didn't even think about it.

If the reasons are not fair, don't be afraid to say so!