10 Reasons Why I'm Thankful You Sucked

This year has brought on many tears.

This year has been such a disappointment.

This year I have felt very small.

This year I went through a break up...

and it's what I'm thankful for most of all.

10 Things I Hate About You:

1) I hate the lack of enjoyment you'd show in moments I wanted to capture and remember forever with you.

2) I hate how different you treat me in front of your friends and family, like I wasn't even in the room.

3) I hate how you distract yourself with work so you don't have to feel the stuff.

4) I hate that you never want to take pictures and videos with me. Never. Not even once.

5) I hate how easily you are able to walk away from me and everything else.

6) I hate that you don't make your bed, and rarely pick up after yourself.

7) I hate how critical you are of me and my love for low-carb ice cream.

8) I hate how opinionated you are and the way you question me on almost everything.

9) I hate how you would pat me on top of my head like I was a fucking dog.

10) But truthfully, I hate how much I don't hate you. And yep...not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

10 Reasons Why I'm Thankful You Sucked:

Because now I see how much I don't.

Because now I know what I deserve.

Because now I know what I really want.

Because now I can see love.

Because now I can see my true worth.

Because now I know what I need.

Because it made me stronger.

Because it made me better.

Because it made me, me.

Because now I can be myself, unapologetically.

Just like the poem at the top says, this year has brought on many tears. This year has brought on so much loss. I lost a relationship that I spent three years fighting for. I lost one of my best friends. I lost a car. I lost stuff. I lost my job. I lost myself. I almost lost my sanity, and I came very close to losing my life. I thought about it. So many times I thought about taking myself out. But I couldn't. I think it was that tiny bit of hope that was still running through my veins. I've been a Hope Addict for the last 7 years. I guess there was still enough left in my system to keep me alive long enough to experience the miracle.

I have so much to be grateful for today. I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have the kind of friends I do. Where I lack in family relationships my friends make up for. I bought another vehicle, and unlike the last one I didn't need a co-signer this time. I did it all on my own. I found a job in a new career field that will be the financial blessing I've been praying for. I'm embracing my singleness and discovering who I truly am, and my confidence is at a level it's never been at before. Like, I've never actually been "here". This is what it's like to really love and respect myself.

There were two breakups that took place this year. He ended our boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, and four and half months later I had to let go of the friendship. I knew it was going to be the only way I was going to fully heal and be able to receive the gift of singleness. I don't know many people who get to experience that. Because most people are so afraid of being alone.

"For the first time in my life, I don't have my eyes on anyone. I don't have the stamina for it right now. And I'm totally fine with that." - Billie Eilish

So am I, lady. So am I.

Sometimes it is the tragedy's we go through that end up being the very thing that grows us.

When you let go of certain things, and people in your life, it makes room for better versions of those things to come into your life. You have to make room. And yes, it's very hard. You will be sad for a while.

The breakup was the event that catapulted me into my destiny. When I let go of the rope that was tied from me to him, a new friend walked into my life. She's amazing. Then another new friend walked in. She's even more amazing. Doors of opportunity have started to fly open. It's pretty wild.

That is why I am most thankful for the breakup, and all of the chaos that came with it. The good, the bad and the ugly.

"Still don't regret anything. Not one day I've known you or decision made because of you." - Him

Same, you. Same.