My Dark Vanessa

★★★★★

My Dark Vanessa follows the narrative of 32 year old Vanessa and her reflection on the relationship she had with her teacher, Mr.Strane at the age of 15. As another former students comes forward with accusations of her abuse by the same man, Vanessa is forced to question what she believed to be the great love of her life.

I have always found that one of the most disturbing topics to read within literature is the deeply horrifying, dark and graphic relationship between a student and their teacher. In My Dark Vanessa, this feeling is unlike I have ever experienced before. We are taken through Vanessa’s journey in first person, completely aware and mindful of her thoughts along the way. A vulnerable, intelligent girl that was outsmarted - yet not really - by her English teacher Jacob Strane. The heartbreaking narrative of a girl who knew exactly what was happening to her, how wrong everything seemed, and yet due to his manipulation and emotional abuse, she could not put a stop to their relationship. The story shows that this was not only during her teenage years. As the novel switches between 2000 and 2017 - it is no longer just about a young vulnerable girl receiving attention from this powerful, intellectually driven man that made her feel like the most important person in the world. Still, in her 30s, Vanessa is consumed by a tie to this man that simply will not break. They had so much in common and he made her feel so special, it must have been love?

“What conclusion is there to draw beside the obvious? He is Humbert, and I am Dolores.”

This story focuses on a 15 year old girls blur between abuse and love. It was an extremely harrowing read, painful at times, but also impossible to put down. Russell’s debut novel shares a writing style truly captivating that tells a story through one woman’s lens, at two completely different stages of her life. With detailed effects of the trauma she experienced that never went away.

"Why do any girls have to be bad apples? Why do we have to be apples at all?"

The novel follows Vanessa’s frustration really well that it too becomes fixed within you as a reader. The back and forth she experiences while being so aware of how wrong everything was. The heart breaking moments of realisation that she was not ready for such an adult relationship, but being completely in awe of this man and willing to do anything for him. I often found myself questioning “what the hell she is doing?!”, until you remember hang on - SHE IS 15! - and then the sudden “wow this man knows exactly what he is doing”. It made it impossible to put the book down. I constantly needed to know what trick he was going to use next. Russell really unveils the issues of sexual abuse, grooming and the tragic reality of an establishment who sat in silence for the sake of reputation. The author perfectly reveals the suffering and tormented thought process behind silent survivors, in a really powerful way.

Trigger Warning: Sensitive issues, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, rape, grooming.