Male Roles in Society

I saw the movie "Dead Poet's Society" over 30 years ago when I was still in high school and falling more in love with poetry and my English classes. Robin Wiliams starred as the main teacher who is "fired" from the job that he gives up having a normal life for (because "he loves teaching") due to a student committing suicide and leaving the school with no other option. The student (Neal) who committed suicide did so because he could not find a way to make his family happy and be happy for himself. His good family expected him to continue on with his education and become a doctor. They were not extremely wealthy according to Neal, although the scenes show that they were probably upper middle class and the movie suggests that they had planned this "doctor" role for Neal all of Neal's life. Yet Neal did not want to be a doctor, and knowing that his desire to be an actor would cause his family pain, was too painful for him to endure. He felt like he had no choice. He felt trapped in a no-win situation. The story is tragic. Not only did a beloved inspiring teacher lose his job, but a loving couple lost their son, all because there was not enough honesty and compromise in the communications. A sad case of "My way or the highway" ending up in dire consequences.

I mention the plot and tragedy of this movie because I think it's right up there with "Death of a Salesman" (by Miller) in pointing out that men also suffer with identity crisis and role confusion just as women do. I've been a loyal and expressive feminist (because I'm a woman), however I do not think that being a feminist means that I should ignore what is the same about men and women, or that I should ignore or deny the pain and suffering of men in society as well.

My last submission to Vocal, was regarding "Female Roles in Society" mentioning Chopin's "The Awakening" (especially in a climate of discussion where "Woke" seems to be the new and most used verbage) so I think it's only fair to write about the opposite side --- men or males.

Men don't have it easier or harder than women. This is what is true about equality. Men are different because their bodies are different; Yet they can feel emotions just like women, even if it has become "normal" and "expected" for them to act stoically instead of letting tears run the way that women have. There are some women who do not like showing tears for the same reasons that men have tried to hold them back. It was suggested (to our culture) that tears were a sign of "weakness". Since the typical role of men was to depict strength (with body or emotion or intellect) mostly men chose to hide their tears. Even women don't like when it happens if they are in a public place. It's a stigma associated with "weakness" and it embarrasses most of us who believe that we have to be "strong' all the time. Although I don't want to go around crying every day at every place I go, I do not think that crying is the worst thing that a person can do. Crying as a manipulative tactic --- also known as crocodile tears --- now that may be the worst thing a person can do.

So what roles can men play? If they cry, they are a sissy or weak. If they fight, they are violent and mean. If they marry, they are old-school and unprogressive. If they don't marry, they are wild and destructive. If they choose a career like a doctor, they are greedy and cold. If they choose a career like an actor, they are flaky and irresponsible. If they take a girl to a movie, they are promoting prostitution. If they take a girl on a picnic, they are trying to milk the cow for free. How many ways can we condemn these poor men for trying to fit in somewhere in society? It's cruel and pathetic.

Live and let live. Men and women both have feelings. There are many roles, big and small, for both of them to find a way in. Watch a ballet. Not everyone is the star or Prima Ballerina, yet everyone looks beautiful and graceful in the ballet. Every role counts.