To the Gone but Not Forgotten..

Fresh out of college I began volunteering for Pima County Attorney's office Victim Witness. The horrible day came when I had to do a death notification of a police officer killed by a drunk driver. I am leaving out the names of the officer and his wife out of respect, because it is a complicated story that I do not wish to bring her any shame from. If is just a piece of my history and why this week is important to me.

In the rain, we were called out to the scene of the accident. After speaking with the officer in charge of the scene, so I could get some information on what was going on so I could tell his wife what had happened, I was given permission to take his badge to her. A small amount of discussion ensued with one of the responding firefighters, who didn't know why I was there or why I wanted the officer's shield. After brief attempt to explain, I was handed his badge, covered in blood. I couldn't bare to take that badge with blood running down it to a widow. It took me about 30 minutes to clean the blood out of the grooves with a toothbrush I kept in my go bag. Finally, the Chaplain and I headed to his home. When his wife answered the door, I could tell she knew why we were there, without a word between us. The sobbing began. I asked politely if we could come inside. Then the yelling began, not ours, hers. Her grief was overwhelming her ability to process a simple request. Again I asked her if we could come in. I didn't see what happened next coming, and to be clear I never ever have held a grudge about it.

She out of no where lashed out with a fist to my face that couldn't be stopped. I didn't have any time to even jump back, only to grasp his shield in my hand so hard I cut my palm on the edges of it. Startled and dazed, for a few seconds she began sobbing harder, and I had to catch her from falling to the ground, where I just held her as tight as I could. I couldn't tell you for how long, because time ceases to exist in moments like those, and to be honest it did not mater. If it would have been hours, despite the black eye I could feel forming, I would have sat with her for hours. As I held her all she could say was "I am sorry." All I could tell her was "You have nothing to be sorry for." Somewhere in that moment, two people who didn't know each , both us with tears , hers from grief, mine from my heart breaking for this woman, silently sliding down my face she started to breathe again and we were able to get her inside. Over and over in her worst moment, she kept apologizing. I didn't need one.

The Chaplain had gone to wrangle the children and as I sat with her. All she said was " He's gone isn't he?" All I could do is say "Yes." Then came the question "Are you sure it is him?" her holding on to some shred of hope we had gotten it wrong. I pulled his shield from the pocket of my jeans, which thank goodness had wiped the blood from my hand and handed it to her. Her only words "Thank You." Not the words you expect to hear from a woman who has just lost her husband. We talked about friends to call, what would happen next and she asked me again "Are you sure it is him?" I couldn't even speak, just nodding my head and she hugged me.

Officers had started coming to the home at this point, her family had started arriving and with the heaviest heart, I knew we had to leave, we were getting pages from other calls. If I could have I would have stayed with her all night. We made our exit, finished up the the other calls with very little conversation between me and the Chaplain except for him to take a look at eye and ask if I needed to go to the ER. No, there was more to do and it hadn't turned ugly yet. That night after I we had returned the car to the Courthouse, I drove by her house because I needed to know before I went home she was had someone. The street was lined with squad cars, so I knew she had her husband's family and went home. Several days later, with a hell of a shiner, I got a call. The police officer's wife had sent me flowers. This woman who had just had her entire life crumble sent me me flowers. The card simple and unforgettable " Ms. Rogers, Thank you." Signed by her and her children. The tears that filled my eyes then, are welling up even after all this time. I got in my car, picked up some things for her at the grocery store, some small toys for her children and drove out to her house. When she answered the door she was a shell of the beautiful woman whose heart I had to break. She invited me in and we just sat. I put away the groceries and handed the kids their toys. They scattered off to play with them and we sat in silence. The make up hid most of the black eye, the swelling had faded and there we sat. She broke the silence first. I can't remember her exact words but I will never forget her, her husband or her children.

My only experience with death in law enforcement had been a friend, Brandy, whose step-father had been killed in the line of duty as a University of Arizona Police Officer responding to a frat house call and a brief conversation with her about it.

Despite being a victim of domestic violence by a Pooler PD officer and having his coworkers, cover it up for the last two years, including taking my cats and car, preventing me from going to law school and no one doing anything to help me, I this week I hope to honor an officer for everyone that won't break the The Thin Blue Line to take responsibility for their actions.

The officers who hurt me tarnish the deaths, legacy and honor lost in the fallen heroes. The fallen officers are what is missing in the world, and for each of the officers who don't deserve to be, I am replacing them with the memory of ones that should still be with us. Sadly, it is a long, long list. Sadly, I was sexually assaulted in November 2018, protecting the public employee rights of these officers, including the officers of the Brookhaven PD who for 10 months have refused to investigate that sexual assault. To each of them, you are a dishonor to these heroes. You are what is wrong in the world of law enforcement, and no one stands with you. Officers all over the country, have made sure I know you have done the wrong thing even when they can not investigate the crimes you have made yourself a part of.

Your brothers and sisters in blue don't stand with you. They are the heroes, you are not and no amount of puppy holding, community relations will ever negate you victimizing one of your own and turning your back on the law you swore to uphold. These fallen officers are a far bigger loss than any of you will be to the departments protecting you.

The Heroes-

Kenneth Collins- EOW April 2002

I am the daughter in law that should have been to Ofr Collins. Many years ago I dated his son, Steve Collins with the Dalton PD. One of the biggest tragedies in his life was the loss of his father. In rare moments he would speak of his father, and I have always held a place in my heart for this man despite never having met him, for knowing his son, and loving his granddaughters, Kendra (Who is named after him), and Piper as if they were my own even now despite not having there father in my life.

He served with Thomasville Police Department, Georgia State Patrol and retired from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation as a crime scene investigator. Not long after retiring from the GBI, the elder Collins went to work for the Thomas County Sheriff's Office in the fingerprint/identification section. Again, he worked crime scenes. He has a evidence bay named after him from what I was told. His son encouraged my dreams to be a lawyer, and in 2015 encouraged me to go to work for the GBI.

David Glasser

Police Officer David Glasser succumbed to gunshot wounds sustained the previous day after responding to a burglary in progress at a home near the intersection of 51st Avenue and Baseline Road.

The homeowner had called 911 to report that his son was stealing items from the home. As officers arrived on the scene they encountered the son sitting in a van in the driveway. The subject immediately opened fire on the officers, striking Officer Glasser. Other officers returned fire and killed the subject.

David's story is one that haunts my friend Christopher Hoyer. Who writes about it in his book, When that day comes. I can not do his story the justice Chris, does so I can only encourage you to read his book.

https://www.amazon.com/When-That-Day-Comes-Training-ebook/dp/B085CNSNFP

Kristen, his wife long ago set up a foundation in honor of her husband. I encourage you to help her keep his memory alive.

https://www.facebook.com/GlasserFDTN/

https://davidglasserfoundation.org/

Tyler Parker EOW March 2018

I can not say I personally know Trooper Parker, but for his wife and daughter Savannah, know you are always in my prayers. To see the GA State Patrol look after you, I know you are safe and always have family.

Lost in an off-duty accident, an angel was created that day for the Orange and Blue. To each of you looking after his family you are angels in the infield as well.

To the wives and the children of these officers, you are so important in this world. You are heroes beyond measure, beyond words and their example and contribution to the world lives on in each of you, not just this week but everyday.

To their Blue Family, I know their deaths haunt you in quiet moments when your brain wanders, every day putting on your kevlar, when your gut starts to nag at you and you can't explain it. Listen to it. It is there for a reason, everyone always goes home safe. If you ever need someone to stand on your side before a judge to advocate for you, someday I will be that woman. I carry your stories with me as if they are my own. Always know each of you matters, each of you will always have a voice as long as I have mine, and each of you are what is good in the world.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/devani-r-39b4051b1/