The Aftermath

The Aftermath

Here’s what we forget about sexual assault victims

I had to understand what happened to me was not my fault and that I needed to stop making sense of it…

List of what victims are most likely to deal with:

1. Detachment from everything/everyone

2. Inability to focus

3. Feeling guilt

4. Lack of Intimacy

5. Bad Anxiety

Be aware there are many more depending on the person and the experience. This is not to invalidate how you felt or your experience but to give you an understanding of how sexual assault victims feel after.

Detachment from everything/everyone

Not wanting attention, feeling isolated, and antisocial. Those are one of the major effects of how victims feel. Victims start detaching from reality, depending on how long ago it happened, as it is a struggle to feel present in the moment. Trying to understand what happened or why it happened leads to the guilt of thinking “I did this to myself” …

I suggest that when you feel the most need to isolate, take time off for yourself rather than wanting just to be alone. Isolating can make it harder for the victim to connect with the real world again. Where they’ll feel alone and not understand why they are alone. Having no social life won’t help either. Victims need company, victims need to heal by processing and finding solutions, so this trauma doesn’t stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Feeling guilt

Having PTSD includes replaying the same cassette and thinking of “what I could’ve done to prevent it”. Understanding there might’ve been some ways to stop or relive the experience thinking “I could’ve done it differently”.

To avoid feeling guilt victims must come to understand that what happened wasn’t on them. If not the victim will live and blame themselves for what has happened which will delay their healing process from this trauma. Having a support system will help the victim see things better and understand that it’s not their fault.

Bad Anxiety

It takes time to understand the fears victims develop. What causes these fears is not understanding how to move on or let go of what happened. Especially in traumatic experiences like this. Victims don’t understand why they develop anxiety if they struggle with it. Their anxiety is most likely to increase due to the traumatic incident. If they are in contact with their attacker or still in a relationship with them. their mental health will only decline and more of the anxiety symptoms will resurface. Remember that “You cannot heal in the place that broke you”.

I suggest that victims avoid being with that person. Find a new place or someone that can help get them out of that environment. If not, the victim is stuck in an abusive cycle that can’t be broken.

Inability to focus

Most of these conditions will lead to others like the inability to concentrate. Living with trauma is difficult and with this type of trauma, it is not easy to continue things. Getting back to work, doing school, or dealing with family. Victims can set aside their problems, but this doesn’t mean they won’t resurface during work or school. There’s always something that can trigger your memory to relive the incident. To avoid that, you need to learn how to reprogram your brain from getting to think deeper about these thoughts. Take a step back from what you are doing, take a minute to breathe, and feel like you are living in the present moment rather than in the place where it happened. Have someone be around, it won’t be easy to open up about these things, but I suggest you look into therapy or find a friend you can trust to talk about this. I know you think it won’t help but you have to get these memories out to find closure to move on. I suggest you look into journaling or some kind of hobby that will help with your anxiety and possibly get you to focus on simple tasks again.

Lack of intimacy

Victims are usually unable to feel any type of intimacy. It usually takes a while to reset and start dating again if they are no longer in a relationship with their attacker. It is important to understand that victims can still be sexually active or find comfort being with someone new but that doesn’t mean their affection/intimacy is restored as well.

Lack of intimacy can lead to emotional and/or physical insecurities. Victims can be insecure about their physical appearance and their emotions. They lose confidence and that can be because of their relationship with their victims and how they made them feel. Emotional insecurities are related to not validating their feelings. Many victims have a hard time opening up after the assault they would rather bottle their emotions but with time, most victims will open up about it.

If you have been through this, I ask that you get help in order to heal and live again...