Catgirl

"Catgirl, do a TikTok dance," Joshua says to the thing standing in front of us.

It seems to perk up at the command. With a happy-sounding "Nya!" it curls its hands in imitation of cat paws. It sticks its tongue out, licks at the air, then shakes its hips to music that isn't actually there.

"She doesn't really have any in-built music the way the newer models do, but I like the little dances anyway," Joshua says, to me this time. "Remember TikTok?"

"I remember," I say absently. The thing's eyes are huge and glassy, like a doll's. They take up an unreal amount of space in its head. "What a bullshit app."

The thing returns to its default stance, hands clasped behind its back and feet turned slightly inward. Its eyes, an artificial green, swivel between me and Joshua, as if waiting for another command. I really, really hate its eyes.

"Even before the whole 'military psy-op' thing?" Joshua queries.

"Even before." I look over at him. His eyes are a dull, human shade of brown, and he regards me with an amused chuckle. Then he turns his gaze back to the thing. He looks at it adoringly. It makes my skin crawl.

"Why don't you like Catgirls? You're always so cagey when I bring mine out."

"Don't you usually keep it in the basement?" I ask.

"Way to change the subject," he says with annoyance. "And she's a 'she,' not an 'it.'"

"It has to exhibit sentience before I start calling it a 'she,'" I fire back. He snorts at me, but let's it go.

"Well," Joshua sighs. "If you must know, I think I'm gonna throw her out today. That's why I brought her up here."

The word escapes me before I can tamp it down. "Why?"

"She's been glitching lately. Like, a lot. Planned obsolescence, I guess."

The thing emits a shrill "Nya!" and performs another outdated, forced-cutesy dance. Then it promptly walks away, into the nearest wall. It hits the wall with a thud and falls back onto its own tail. A 'she' would cry out at such a hard fall, but it, of course, does not.

"Yeah, glitches like that," Joshua says. "Dancing and meowing without me giving a cue. Walking into shit, knocking shit over, making these weird crying sounds at night. I guess leaving her on 'roam' all the time did something to the brain bank, but nothing in her manual says much about that."

I watch as it moves its arms and legs uselessly. "Will you get another one? Please say no."

"Of course I will." Joshua sounds almost exasperated. "Look, I don't know how to explain this to you, but... I like having a Catgirl around. There's something so simple and sweet about them... you... you get attached, you know?"

"Oh, of course," I say airily. "Take the brain power of a toaster oven and dress it up in a little schoolgirl outfit. What's not to love? You're such a fucking weeb."

"And you're such a fucking bitch," Joshua snaps back.

We stare at each other for a long moment. I almost think he's gearing up to yell at me some more, but then he throws his head back and lets out a loud guffaw. I immediately relax, letting out a laugh of my own.

"Look, do you wanna come up and play some video games or not?" Joshua says warmly.

"Yeah, I guess. But don't you wanna throw out the... Catgirl first?"

"I'll do that later. Come on! First person upstairs gets to pick the game." Without another word, he jumps off the couch and heads for the stairs. He's already halfway up by the time I'm on my feet. The distance between us widens.

I quicken my steps as I move past the Catgirl. It's sitting on the floor. Its skirt is still flipped up from its fall, showing a bit more of its thin, pale legs.

"I'm in pain," the Catgirl says, trademark smile still on its face. "Please help me."

I ignore it. It's just another glitch.

Her eyes follow me out of the room.