Would You Let Someone Tie You Up During Sex?

What is it that you sense, as your hands are being bound in soft but tight silk ribbons? You feel the collar wrap around your neck and are gently pulled over to the bed. The blindfold is placed in over your eyes and you have absolutely no idea what is coming next.

What is it you feel in that moment?

My wife and I started experimenting with light restraint a few years ago, as a group activity with close friends. It wasn’t very deliberately chosen. With these friends, we had come up with a kind of longish list of little kinks and fetishes that we wanted to try. It was a pretty standard list — role play, striptease, exhibitionism, erotic photoshoot, etc.

So, on this Saturday night, when we had that parents-dream scenario of all the kids being away on sleepovers, we decided to give it a try. We had ordered a set of restraints online — the ones that wrap around your mattress and allow both the arms and legs to be restrained. We had also gotten a few blindfolds, a massage candle, hot wax candles, a nice flogger, and a pinwheel. We were really unsure of what elements of bondage play would appeal to us if any, so we wanted to cover all of our bases.

We all — well, three of the four of us — took turns being restrained. I won’t go into graphic detail on the style of play, but for each of us the experience was phenomenal. For the two of us, we really liked the feeling of the flogger and the pinwheel. The notion of pleasure and pain being combined was amazing… I felt I could live in that moment forever. My wife didn’t like the pain play as much but loved the massages and the sense of all those hands on her and her having no control at all over how it played out. And our friend who didn’t really want to get restrained — he absolutely loved being one who would administer those different forms of pleasure to each of us.

It was amazing. But the experiences I wanted to focus on for this article are those of my wife and our friend who did not want to be restrained but who loved the experience of giving pleasure to each of us that were tied up.

For them — my wife and our friend — they felt it was one of the best experiences of their lives, and we’ve done it many times since, because of what they found in it.

My wife learned that she loves to give up control. It may be a stereotype, but there is truth in it. She has a very high-powered job that comes with a lot of responsibility. She has been a leader throughout her career and has a sterling reputation as a gentle boss, who leads by example, and is always — always — in full control. Giving up control, whether professionally, with family, or with friends, is hard for her. She knows this.. and it causes her some stress. So when she was forced to relinquish control of her pleasure to three of us, who she loves and trusts completely… Well, a state of bliss is an understatement. She said she absolutely melted under the sensations she was feeling. Sexually, it was amazing for her. But more than that, she said it felt like being high on the most happiness-inducing, relaxing, invigorating drug — all together.

For our friend who didn’t want to be restrained. He is a pleaser. He is always the person at a party who is making sure everyone’s drink is full and that they are well taken care of. When we are checking into a hotel, he is the one carrying seven bags, as the rest of us have one each. He’s the one who sneaks off during a dinner party and quick fixes that light switch that he noticed was a little wonky.

He sincerely doesn't like being the center of attention, so the idea of being restrained and having pleasure focussed on him — that is not his thing. But the idea of one of these women he adores being restrained and 100% receptive to his pleasure. That is his version of heaven. He loved to experiment and figure out what both my and his wife liked most. He had the patience of a monk, calibrating his approach to their exact specifications. It was beautiful to watch and he loved it!

And this is the point of this article. We all loved being tied up and would (and have) do it again often. But the reasons were different. For my girlfriend and me — it was sexual pleasure. We loved the pain/pleasure intersect. For my wife, it was all about relinquishing control. And for the other guy, it was about being able to make his wife and mine feel good.

There was something in it for everyone. As there should be.