When Does An Open Relationship Cross the Line Into Sex Work?

I don't think of myself as a particularly naive person. I've known many people who dabble in the lifestyle — myself included — and a few people for whom it is a pretty full-time passion. And, of course, I know of people who engage in sex work and others who engage sex workers.

But I did not know about the intersection between those two worlds—people in the lifestyle — couples and singles — who meet people for money.

It's a thing. Couples and single men and women at lifestyle clubs or on lifestyle websites identify themselves as 'generous' or seeking those who are 'generous.' Its code for a willingness to engage for cash. But, when I think about it for two seconds, I can't believe this surprises me.

It raises so many questions for me. First, do I have a problem with it? I would say, unambiguously, no. I am ok with sex work, as long as it is consensually done. And — while I may be wrong here — it seems to me like anyone who would be doing lifestyle activities for hire is likely doing it of their own volition. It just seems too niche to really attract pimps and coerced sex workers… there are easier ways to make money in coercive sex work than through the lifestyle.

My guess is that those who are in the lifestyle for money are more hobbyists who have decided to try to monetize their hobby (haha… sounds like writers here on Medium lol). They probably realized that there was an absence of attractive or appealing people in the lifestyle and kind of realized, "Hey, why give it away for free." And on the 'purchasing' side, I'm sure there are couples who've become frustrated with the crapshoot of meet and greets, the allusiveness of the '4-way connection' and decided that it would be worth the price to pay for a sure thing.

The second issue that pops to mind… how does it work? Is it like other forms of sex work where there is a set price for a date? Or is it more nuanced .. a couple would agree to pay for dinner and a hotel room and maybe a tip in return for someone deciding to meet them for a threesome? And how does it work with couples? I had inferred from the discussion thread I read on it that some couples also make themselves available for hire. So, again, I suppose it makes sense… I simply had no idea.

And, finally, would I — or we, my wife and I — do it. We certainly would not offer ourselves out for pay. Our dalliances in the lifestyle are very precious to us, and we are really selective about who we would be with. We want great physical and social chemistry. So there is no amount of money for us that would make me want to be with someone I did not get to choose. That said, would I allow a wealthy couple who we really liked to wine and dine us a bit… sure.. and we have.

And the converse, would we pay someone or someones to be with us. I don't think so. There is an authenticity I like in the lifestyle. While that search for mutual compatibility can be frustrating, finding it is what makes the lifestyle fun. It's really nice and sexy to find someone you click with and who clicks with you. You lose that in a paid experience. And, for me, I don't want to lose that 'je ne sait quoi".

None of the above is intended to be judgmental. It was just a new thing I wasn't aware existed. Fascinating.